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Hi Jon, I truly enjoyed your story, you should have been writing years ago. Look how many books, you could have published. But that wasn't in God's timing. Now must be the time. Go for it! God bless you Brother. With God's Love, Lois J. 2007-08-28 00:09:03 Posted by Lois J ()

Jon, I ask in all seriousness. Do you want my editorial opinion? I took a few creative writing classes, and what I found is that I am a brutal eidtor and only a fair writer. I can improve yours at the cost of great pain as I shred your baby, but I have not the heart to tear into my own. That is my weakness... With writing a Novel, you can be more fluid and not need my hacking everything up so much, but I tend to edit for the short story, even though my expository character makes me prone to write for Novel length myself... I don't think I should go here... In Truth, Mel 2007-08-28 00:52:23 Posted by Mel ()

Mel, well its is just my first exercise in 30 years so I may not be ready for "brutal" yet. I really haven't worked out the plot or chracters in any depth. But I would appreciate all comments Lois,you are always so kind, maybe you can soften the wounds Mel inflicts. 2007-08-28 01:00:44 Posted by Jon ()

You have passion here and I can see that. That is half the battle. Question: Timothy. Is that what he calls himself? I am assuming he is the central character and draws off of you a lot. Which is typically the best writing we do, when it comes from us and what we are. It is the stuff we know better than anything if we can get it out of us. Does his mother call him Timothy? Does he have an old high school sweetheart that despite the fact they are both married to other people calls him 'Timmy' to this day? This does not need to make it into the writing but it is something you must know with certainty. The way the central character sees himself or herself has to come shining through as pure as you can make it and bear it to be. If he calls himself 'Tim' and you want your readers to see it from his point of view, he has to be refered to as 'Tim' when you are using his point of view. If you know 'Timothy' and he calls himself that, anything else will seem phony. Some people are that formal in considering themselves. If you know that type and he is it, then 'Timothy' it is. You just have to know that for certain. It colors everything else. Example: From the movie 'Forest Gump' (if you haven't seen it, I am sorry) His Army buddy "Bubba" had a real first name. Can you remember it? But you know who "Bubba" is and the name fits. That is what you want. You have to be comfortable with Timothy to call him that. If he had a neatly folded hankerchief in his front pockiet and his vainity was being tested by how he knew he must look, I'd believe him calling himself Timothy. Piercing his ear like that? You might be right, and in a Novel, if I read far enough, I might believe he called himself Timothy. The point is you have to know and portray the 'rightness' of that to the reader quickly and if not completely, adequately enough for them to not be distracted by it. The point of your writing can not be to please me, or anyone else. But, if you want me to, I can give you my take. If you do everything the editor says, it becomes his story. You may not sell much, but you need to establish your voice, not a mish mash of every other editor who will look at your writing. That will be worse. As an editor, I can tell you why I say to change something. It might be the word flow seems wrong or something trite. It might be you need smell and you have taste. I'll stop there. The first word. Ok, Lois your turn... (I hope he is still talking to me after this...) In Truth, Mel 2007-08-28 01:33:38 Posted by Mel ()

If its any consolation, I think you have more guts than me... ;'{) 2007-08-28 01:38:03 Posted by Mel ()

Not an editor or critic, just a friend who really enjoys your stories. I love the messages that come through, the passion that you have in them, and the thought provoking essence. You are doing a good work for the kingdom. Please, keep this going and remember, I will not look at you funny. In His Service, 2007-08-28 06:18:02 Posted by Teri ()

Mel, you'll have to be tougher than that. I used Timothy as shorthand since I was using a scence from the middle of a novel no one has read. Timothy was to let everyone think of a young pastor, as in the Bible. I don't know what his name would be, but its not Timothy. It's too slow to type. 2007-08-28 09:30:46 Posted by Jon ()

Hi Jon, Everybody has their own opinion, but you are the one that is writing the book. People just see's the outward appearance of you. But God see your heart. Do what you are inspired to do, and follow your heart. Our Lord knows what your desires are, and He will give them to you, as you do this for His Glory. Just remember you are not doing this to get a pat on the back, but for God. Your heart is filled with the Love of God, and what compassion you have for others. Your skin is thick, you can take what people dish out. Others can cut and knock you down, but Praise the Lord He will lift you up. I know, because I have been there. God bless you Brother, keep on keeping on! FOLLOW YOUR HEART...NOT SOMEONE ELSE.... Praying for you! With God's Love, Lois J. 2007-08-28 13:11:35 Posted by Lois J. ()

Jon, Mel, said it was my turn! I hope I have build you up. We should not knock down what God has build up. God is Love, love everyone, but we don't love sin........ Mel, I want to encourage and build you up. I always enjoyd your writing, and things you write are very interesting. But at times you can be very straight forward, that is good, will make all our skin tough. Some where in time has somebody cut you deeply and the wounds are hard to heal, but with God's help and time, you will overcome it.........God loves you and knows the desires of your heart, He will give you that desire, to use for His Glory. God bless you Brother, keep up the good work in His vineyard, with Love, Joy, and Peace in Him. With God's Love, Lois J. 2007-08-28 14:46:12 Posted by Lois ()

LOL! Jon, you say I have to be tougher and I can feel the annoyance of others to restrain me. This is a conundrum! In the Silliness of THIS truth, Mel 2007-08-28 22:15:59 Posted by Jon ()

I've been in the email too often. That ^^^ is me, not Jon... ;'{P~~~~ 2007-08-28 22:19:06 Posted by Mel ()

Ladies. A simple question for you: If you did something really cool, great, whatever, and I came up to you and slapped you heartily on the back, shook your shoulders and whooped insanely, you'd think me daft, would you not? If I did this to my brother, I hope you'd not step in the way. A man is not a woman. Your heart is right. Your understanding is not. We arm wrestle, play football, and a man has wrestled with God. Remember this: 22 That night Jacob got up and took his two wives, his two maidservants and his eleven sons and crossed the ford of the Jabbok. 23 After he had sent them across the stream, he sent over all his possessions. 24 So Jacob was left alone, and a man wrestled with him till daybreak. 25 When the man saw that he could not overpower him, he touched the socket of Jacob's hip so that his hip was wrenched as he wrestled with the man. 26 Then the man said, "Let me go, for it is daybreak." But Jacob replied, "I will not let you go unless you bless me." 27 The man asked him, "What is your name?" "Jacob," he answered. 28 Then the man said, "Your name will no longer be Jacob, but Israel, because you have struggled with God and with men and have overcome." 29 Jacob said, "Please tell me your name." But he replied, "Why do you ask my name?" Then he blessed him there. 30 So Jacob called the place Peniel, saying, "It is because I saw God face to face, and yet my life was spared." Genesis 32:22-30 (NIV) I don't ask you to treat us like Jacob, but let men be stupid men every now and then, please. Give me a hug; I am fine with that. But if I am to be emasculated, to have it done by a woman is doubly insulting. 11 If two men are fighting and the wife of one of them comes to rescue her husband from his assailant, and she reaches out and seizes him by his private parts, 12 you shall cut off her hand. Show her no pity. Deuteronomy 25:11-12 (NIV) I never understand the sissification of the Love has God has given man for his brother, the turning of it into perversion by insisting it must be soft and mushy. Ladies, you are beautiful in your love, but foolish in your slavish understanding of only your own style of expressing it. Please think about this... In Truth, Mel 2007-08-28 22:41:33 Posted by Mel ()

Actually, the feedback has been perfect. Thanks to all of you. I feel the love. I need some loving encouragement balanced by some critical analysis. Mel hasn't even come close to being critical yet, and I appreciate his time and efforts. In fact, anyone else that sees something he/she doesn't like, please mention it too. Writers usually have to pay to get their work critiqued. Please don't let my foolish little hobby become a sore spot in this family. 2007-08-28 23:00:25 Posted by Jon ()

Brother, I won't let it. My apologies for venting on your blog. I am sure you are perfectly capable of telling me when to reel it in, but in deference to the peace that Christ might ask of us in this (I have not a clear message here, but clear enough to know which side I will choose to err upon) I will respect the wishes of the ladies to 'take it easy' on you. Does this qualify, Lord? It's nothing like hanging on a cross, to be sure... In Christ, Mel 2007-08-28 23:30:30 Posted by Mel ()

Hey Jon got to say something on this because you asked on this particular subject and I may be the wrong person to answer this for you because I have an extremly high pain threshold but if he was wincing from the pain and still sweating from it afterwards, he must have had them pound a nail through his ear. I have put piercings in my ears 4 times and other than a quick jolt of stabbing pain if it goes a little wrong it's not that bad. the possibility of a infection could cause some pain later but other than the initial shock it's pretty mild. Sorry I didn't read this earlier. I would suggest if your going to write, follow profesional advice as I've always heard, write what you know. I don't doubt you could write the preacher. For the piercing, do it to yourself first. You don't have to leave it and noone will know. Just try it and see what it is really like. It has to be believable if you are going to write about it God bless 2007-09-02 01:45:57 Posted by Ross ()

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