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Comment List
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Hi Jon,
Endjoy your scene, as it speaks direct to
the point of Sprading the Good News,
the Gospel. Yes, there are many people in the
world today, that is thrsty. Jesus can satisfy
that thirst. Yes, Jesus said, "Go"..
Very good Jon, keep on Keeping on.
God bless you and yours...
With God's Love,
Lois J.
2007-08-31 00:11:05 Posted by Lois J. ()
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2007-09-02 02:00:33 Posted by Hi again Jon ()
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2007-09-02 02:00:47 Posted by Hi again Jon ()
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2007-09-02 02:00:51 Posted by Hi again Jon ()
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2007-09-02 02:01:00 Posted by Hi again Jon ()
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2007-09-02 02:01:12 Posted by Hi again Jon ()
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2007-09-02 02:01:21 Posted by Hi again Jon ()
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wow no idea how I did that, just want to through a couple ideas at ya I won't do the hi again thing. I like what your doin a couple of issues at the first though. The part about the fans I believe would be better as... The fans accomplished nothing more than pulling in the suffocatingly tepidd air from the outside. When you brouhght Sean into the pictureyou changed your I guess it would be point of reference. You have him doing things in the present than you draw him into the past when he walked on stage that won't work. Good job otherwise
2007-09-02 02:08:51 Posted by Ross ()
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Hi, Jon. I've been away from the site for a while, so I didn't know until today that you were trying out some of your writing on us. I've enjoyed the two scenes you've written so far.
We all know that a rough draft is just that, a way to get ideas from brain to paper or computer, so I won't critique the grammar and punctuation issues that need to be addressed. I'm certain you'll notice them on your next read-through.
I have questions that I hope will get your creative juices flowing: How do these scenes fit into the larger framework of the story? What's the overall plot, and how do these scenes help advance the plot? Do they give your main character(s) a crucial insight that will help him/her/them deal with the issues being revealed? Also, is Pastor Sean your main character or one of the supporting cast members?
Those are the things that passed through my head as I read your scenes. Oh, one other thing - Did Sean keep the earring, or take it out after church? Just curious. :-)
Keep writing, bro! I want to see the book, if you take it that far.
2007-09-11 10:24:53 Posted by Traci ()
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2007-12-19 02:04:18 Posted by Kevin Hyde (wqyxpn@ekccuvf.lc)
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