Tue, Nov 29th - 1:57PM

Forty Days of Purpose - day twelve

"...Draw close to God, and God will draw close to you..."  James 4:8

I desire a friendship with God more than anything else.  Twelve days into my 40-day journey I know that total obedience in love and faith is what pleases God.  Worship is a lifestyle and I can pray without ceasing.  Where I struggle, is FOCUS.  I can't seem to keep God at the forefront of my thoughts.  With God at the forefront of my life, I feel more peace.  I feel less worry and I'm confident in my faith.  With all these good reasons for keeping Him close to me, how can doubt still enter?  Why can fear still grip my heart?  The thing I long for is to live in His constant presence, delighting in His incomparable perfection and glory.  His love means more than life to me, so why is life so daunting?  I need to surround myself with strong christians.  Their reinforcement and support will keep me motivated, keep me passionate. 

 I pray for God to soften my husband's heart, bring him to his knees in worship.  While I can't be my husband's savior, I pray that my gracious, humble attitude will start to change him.... Oh, how much happier this home would be if God governed his walk too.  I would have a husband that I could turn to when worry and doubt cloud my focus.  I would have a christian man to help keep me strong in the Lord.  Right now, I'm doing it on my own.  I read alone, I attend church alone, I cry alone. . . .  But! I remind myself - I alone am accountable to God and no one on earth has the power to diminish my faith. 

I have a purpose.  I am a witness and a living testimony to the love and forgivenss of God.  I am a friend of Jesus.

Mon, Nov 28th - 6:41PM

Monday, Monday

Today didn't start out well for me.  I was weeping - worried about my health, my sister's health and my dear mother who is weary from the battle. 

My husband is a nonbeliever so I really felt like I had no one on earth to turn to for comfort.  In fact, when he caught me crying he began to cuss me about being psychotic and emotional.  All I could do was leave the room and let him talk to himself.  Instinctively I picked up my Bible and began to read.  I just opened its cover and prayed for the Lord to lead me.  I wound up reading the entire book of Romans and by the time I was through, I was comforted and felt at peace.  I was reminded once again, that it all belongs to the Lord.  He captured my tears in a bottle.  I continued to read, I read in Psalms, and in Matthew.  In Hebrews and the three Epistles of John.  I read in Revelations.  I read little books I'd never heard of - Jude, Ruth and Esther. I read my little heart out!  I read while I rode into town, and while waiting to see the doctor.  Lo and behold!  I was so comforted by reading His word, that the appointment I had so dreaded did not bring such bad news afterall!  I was so prepared for the will of God!

Sun, Nov 27th - 6:53PM

Forty Days of Purpose - day eleven

Reading back in this journal on my own reflections, I realize that time with God is not one day a week, or one hour a day.  Time with God is constant.  Worship is a lifestyle; every thought I have and everything I do is worship if I turn it over to God.  We were made to live in God's continual presence and to talk to Him all the time.  I once read that we should pray without ceasing.  This is a daunting idea and utterly impossible;  but do "pray without ceasing" by just talking to God about every little thing.  Whatever I'm doing,  I have a short prayer on my breath every second, a simple phrase such as  "You are with me", "I receive your grace", "You are my God". 

I can develop a friendship with the Lord!!  What an awesome, mind-blowing concept!  Through practicing His presence, constant prayer and meditation I can get to know God as a friend - like Moses, Job and David!  ME, Little-Ole-Sinner Me! 

It's impossible however, to be God's friend apart from knowing what He says.  You can't love God unless you know Him and you can't get to know Him unless you read His word.  He reveals Himself to us through His word.  When I have a problem that I think about over and over again, it's called worry.  When I read a bible verse and think about it over and over again, it's called meditation.  If I can worry, I can certainly meditate!  The more I meditate on God's word, the less I'll have to worry about. 

Friends share secrets and God shares His secrets with us if we develop the habit of thinking about His word throughout the day.  When I read my bible or hear a sermon or listen to a tape, I can just forget it and walk away, or I can develop the practice of reviewing the truth in my mind and thinking about it over and over.  I pray for the understanding of God's word - and Him revealing the "secrets" of this life.  Starting today I will practice constant conversation with God and continual meditation on His word. 

Prayer lets me speak to God.  Meditation lets Him speak to me.  Both are essential to becoming a friend of God.

Sat, Nov 26th - 8:44PM

Forty Days of Purpose - day ten

I surrender all, Sweet Jesus.  Surrendering to God is the heart of worship - the natural response to God's amazing love and mercy.  I give myself to Him, because He first loved ME.  I'm a living sacrifice.  Jesus is my savior, my brother, my friend.

I have come to the end of "myself".  The reason I was troubled and struggled for so long was because I was trying to be in control, I interfered with God's plan.  The more we let God take us over, the more truly ourselves we become - because He made us.  Surrendering is best demonstrated by obedience.  You say "yes, Lord" to whatever He asks of you.  To say "no Lord" is to speak a condradiction.  You can't call Jesus your Lord when you refuse to obey Him.  Surrendered people obey God's word even if it doesn't make sense.  I surrender to God because I trust Him. I have learned to wait and let Him work things out, instead of trying to manipulate the situation.  Instead of trying harder, I am trusting more.

The supreme example of surrender is Jesus.  The night before his crucifixion Jesus surrendered Himself to God's plan.  He prayed "Father, everything is possible for you.  Please take this cup of suffering away from me.  Yet I want your will, not mine".  In my total surrender to God, I know that all things are possible with Him.  I pray to always ask for what I want, if it's his will.  Not my will.  Surrender is hard work.  In my case, it is intense warfare against my self-centered nature.

Surrender has brought me peace.  I don't quarrel with God, I agree with Him and I have peace at last.  I am free to live openly in his forgiveness . Stubbon temptations and overwhelming problems are defeated by Christ when given to Him.  Victory comes with surrender, I am strengthened and I don't fear surrender.  I want to be used by God - I am the Lord's servant, and I am willing to accept anything He wants.  Surrender is not the best way to live - it is the only way to live.  Nothing else works.

Surrendering your life is not a foolish emotional act, it's the most sensible and responsible thing you can do with your life.  I make it my goal to please Him.  The wisest moments in my life are when I say "yes" to God.  I have discovered that the greatest hinderance in my life has been me.  My self-wll, stubborn pride and personal ambition.  I cannot fulfill God's purpose for my life, while focusing on my own plans.  If God is going to do His deepest work in me, it will begin with this, so I've given it all to God - my past regrets, my present problems, my future, my fears, dreams, weaknesses, habits, hurts and hang-ups.  Jesus is in the driver's seat of my life.  I am not afraid.  Nothing in His control is out of control.  Mastered by Christ, I can handle anything. 

I know that surrender is a day-to-day task. The problem with living sacrifice is that I can crawl off the altar, so I may have to surrender myself fifty times a day.  At this moment, I make a contract with God:  FROM THIS DAY FORWARD, I AM A SLAVE TO JESUS CHRIST.

Now is the time to surrender - to God's grace, love and wisdom.

Fri, Nov 25th - 11:43AM

Forty Days of Purpose - day nine

My childhood was spent trying to please someone ... my mother, my grandparents, my teacher.  The more they smiled at me, the happier I became and the happier I became the more I wanted to please.  It was a win-win situation that carried over into my adulthood with my husband and my boss.

What makes God smile?  Since pleasing God is the first purpose in my life, my most important task is to discover how to do that.  What God wants most from us is a relationship.  He wants to FELLOWSHIP with us!  God made me to love me and for me to love him back.  He wants me to TRUST in him wholly.  God smiles when we trust Him.   Noah trusted God and built an ark in the middle of dry land, no rain in sight for 120 years!  How awesome it must have been to AUDIBLY HEAR THE LORD SPEAKING.... Today, if  someone says they can literally hear the Lord's voice speaking to them, the rest of us think they're crazy - I pray for the wisdom to know exactly what God commands of me - even if man labels me "nuts".  I'm already sure that God has shown me His hand.  Long before I gave my life to Jesus I was having dreams that ultimately came true.  My soul gave me a warning of what was to come. 

Obey God wholeheartedly without hesitation or reservation because  God does not owe me an explantion.  Some commands may have to be obeyed first, before they are understood.  Obedience is definitely an area where I have concern.  Not because I don't want to be obedient, but because I have trouble with it.  I don't attend church every Sunday, sometimes I just want to sleep in.  This is blatant disobenience!  I can't even say now - knowing full well that I'm disobedient - that I'll never do it again!  I pray for a much stronger resolve!  I don't want to disobey God!  I pray for discernment in thought.  One's "flesh" is an evil, powerful thing... the "old" person peeps out too often.  Before I have a chance to control it, sometimes an unkind thought will cross my mind. I always recognize it and pray to God for forgiveness for it; I know that when Jesus is at the forefront of my brain, a hateful thought cannot get through... constantly concentrating on Him keeps my thoughts kind and pure.  I pray that I totally shed the skin of the snake that I was.  "Gracious Father, I pray that every day of my walk, I get to know you better and better  That walking closer to you instills in me the resolve to give You more time, Father God!  To get my tired, sorry self out of bed every Sunday without excuses!  To keep my Savior Jesus at the forefront of every thought so that I may think of others as He does.  For the utter faithfulness that Your heart desires, so that I may make you smile".

God smiles when we praise and thank Him continually.  He smiles when we express our adoration and gratitude to Him.  Because of Jesus' sacrifice, we don't offer animal sacrifices like they did in the old covenent.    Instead we offer the "sacrifice" of praise.  We thank God for who He is, and we praise God for what He has done.  Amazingly enough, ever since I've started to praise and thank God continually, my own heart has filled with joy! Worship works both ways.  I enjoy what God has done for me, and when I express that joy to God, it brings Him joy.

Each and every one of God's creation has a special gift.  A talent.  An ability.  While I concentrated on what mine may be I realized that I have a gift for communicating.  I read and write well.  As simple as this is compared to anothers' gifts, it is nonetheless a gift from God.  (On second thought, there is no comparison of gifts - we're all special in the eyes of the Lord).  I have the ability to spread God's word to others!  There are no unspiritual abilities, just misused ones.  I've started using mine for God's pleasure.  Every human activity; except sin, can be done for God's pleasure if you do it with an attitude of praise.

What God looks at is the attitude of your heart. Pleasing Him is my greatest desire.  When you live in the light of eternity, your focus changes from "how much pleasure am I getting out of life?" to "how much pleasure is God getting out of my life?". 

I'm willing to live for the pleasure of God. 

Wed, Nov 23rd - 10:28PM

Forty Days of Purpose - day eight

Worship is a lifestyle..... take your every day , ordinary life - your sleeping, eating going-to-work and walking-around life and place it before God as an offering.  Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men.  Work becomes worship when you dedicate it to God and perform it with an awareness of his presence.  Abide in His love.

I've fallen in love with Jesus.... I can't get Him off my mind. Even as I struggle with health issues, I look forward to Thanksgiving Day with gladness in my family and loved ones.  The past eight days have cast a whole new purpose to my life.  I've made great strides in my understanding of what I'm here for.  Haven taken a few short steps into the journey I'm at peace ... I'm not afraid of life's adversities.  I've accepted gladly that my existence is a testimony.  I've overcome tragedy and never blamed God for my grief.  I feel like the proverbial phoenix rising from the ashes.  Everything belongs to God.... EVERYTHING.  My life, my soul, my mind, my body.  I survived death because God wants me to serve Him mightely - He wants me to spread His good news!  The Good News of Jesus Christ.  My soul is overflowing with His spirit!  I want to shout His name from the highest mountain top!  Holy Holy Holy, Praise His Holy name! Sing a new song! Some day soon, I will see the King!  No more crying.  No more dying. Some day soon, I'll leave my wheelchair behind and dance!

REV 1:7 ".... Behold, He comes on the cloud, shining like the sun at the trumpets call..... "

SWEET SALVATION I ADORE YOU! 

Tue, Nov 22nd - 5:03PM

Forty Days of Purpose - day seven

The ultimate goal of the UNIVERSE is to show glory to God!  WOW!  The entire universe .... His Glory is the reason everything exists, including ME.  He made it all for His Glory, without His GLORY, there would be NOTHING.  Glory is WHO God IS. My mind's been blown. Creation reveals our creator's Glory.  The heavens declare the Glory of God. 

I pray that I will bring glory to Him by doing what I'm supposed to do; by fulfilling my purpose on earth.  Worship is our first responsiblity to God and is much more that praising and praying.  It is more than singing.  Worship is a lifestyle of enjoying God.  When I live my life for his glory, everything I do will become an act of worship.  Bringing Him glory by loving my "neighbors", taken in the literal sense, is a very difficult thing for me to do!  But when I see it in the biblical sense, what I make of it is that I should love other believers .... when I was born again, I became a part of God's family.  Following Christ is not just a matter of believing; it also includes belonging and learning to love the family of God.  Somewhere Jesus said something like this: "... love each other as I have loved you.  If you love one another all men will know that you are my disciples ... "

Now that I'm born again,  a "baby" in God's family, I pray for spiritual growth.... I want to be like Jesus in the way I speak, think and feel.  Jesus was God's ultimate glory.  If I can be more like Jesus I will bring glory to God.  I pray for spiritual discernment so that I might see the spiritual gifts given to me.  As I help others I will do it with all the strength and energy that God supplies.    Why keep God's love a secret?  It's GOOD NEWS!  Now I know the truth and I'm going to share it with others; it's an honor and a privilege!  "As God's grace brings more and more people to Jesus, God will receive more and more glory"

Living for the glory of God is a difficult path.  Even Jesus had trouble with this.  Knowing He was about to be crucified, He cried out: ".... my soul has become troubled; and what shall I say, 'Father, save Me from this hour'? But for this purpose I came to this hour.  Father, glorify Thy name. ..... "  Sounds like Jesus was at a fork in the road; but He fulfilled His purpose for the glory of God.  I have the same choice: to live for the glory of God or shrink back and live a self-centered life;  I have decided to follow Jesus  and live the rest of my life for God's glory; knowing that He has promised eternal rewards!!  I pray for the strength to walk this narrow path, keeping  my eyes on Him even in times of trial and adversity.  God has invited me to live for His glory by fulfilling the purpose He made me for.  It's really the only way to live.  Real life begins by committing yourself completely to Jesus.

I believe that God loves me and made me for His purpose.  I believe I was not an accident.  I believe I was made to last forever.  I believe that God chose me to have a relationship with Jesus, who died on the cross for me.  God has forgiven me for everything I've done. 

I've taken my first step toward spiritual growth.  And thinking about my purpose:  It's All For Him.

Mon, Nov 21st - 12:34PM

Forty Days of Purpose - day six

Everything belongs to God.  The earth and everything in it is here for us to enjoy but it does not belong to us.  We are simply passing through, on our way home.  As I get deeper into my search for purpose, I realize that the road home is a narrow one.  Being a christian is hard work.  God expects a lot from me....professing my faith is simply not enough to please the Lord.  I must act on it.  Every second belongs to God - I was created to love and praise Him.  Nothing else on earth matters - earth itself doesn't matter.  If it isn't for His kingdom, it isn't worth anything.  The things we see now are here today gone tomorrow.  But the things we can't see now will last forever.  Serving Him faithfully now will bring me the riches in heaven that He promised those who love him.

I pray for the wisdom to use what time I have left here in a righteous light.  It's the light that will lead me home, where my loved ones wait for me.  Where God Almighty sits waiting for my return.  For so long I've been afraid of death.  Death is a taboo subject for conversation and a morbid idea that I think of at funerals.  I'm beginning to understand that death is not the end of me.  It is the beginning of the life He's had planned all along.  Maybe we have our vocabulary backwards - when a baby is born unto this world that's what should be called "death" ... I mean, that the baby is only on loan to its parents from God... from our very first breath we start to die.  We spend our time on earth dying.  We were never meant to be happy here, because we're not home yet!  We're here to prepare for heaven.  Then when we die, we're really being born!  We've passed the test and made it HOME!  We got the ticket to ride!  We waited our turn.

The bible says (paraphrasing of course) that our brains are too tiny to even come close to imagining what heaven is like.... it's simply beyond our comprehension.  I read a story once, in the old testiment about how Moses begged God to reveal Himself.  God kept telling Moses that he could never ever see His face, that it would be too much for Moses' brain to handle.... well I guess they came to some kind of agreement because God agreed to meet Moses and show Moses His hand - just his hand!  And that Moses must shield his own face away from the light.  Moses was  God's friend. (Imagine being called "friend" by GOD!  How awesome!) so God showed His hand to Moses and if I'm remembering right, it was so mind-blowing that Old Moses came back with snow white hair! 

I think that when Jesus comes, all his people will lay eyes upon his glory and absolutely cease to exist - we will explode from the joy!  Filled with so much happiness that our bodies are capped off and they explode!  We will not be able to look into His beautiful face and still exist as a humans.  Our spirits will join Him in heaven and we will enjoy close fellowship with God for ETERNITY.  Our brief stay here is but the blink of an eye compared to that.  We will spend MUCH more time in heaven than we do here.  That's why I'm going to prepare carefully for the trip home.  I'll strive to get all my work done, to have everything I need to get there.  To have God tell me "good job, my child".

Sun, Nov 20th - 5:03PM

Forty Days of Purpose - day five

Life is trust, and life is a temporary assignment.  These ideas are my foundation of purpose driven living.  To fulfill the purposes God created, I'll have to challenge conventional wisdom and replace it with the biblical metaphors of life.  "Gracious God, give me the wisdom to see life as you see it.  Help me to pass the test of character you place before me and to treat everything you give me as a sacred trust.  You own it all, I just get to use it while I'm on earth".

Nothing in my life is insignificant - every moment, even the smallest event has eternal implications... there is more to my life than the "here and now".  Everything in my life belongs to God, I'm just a caretaker.  Because God owns it, I must take the best care that I can.  Each of us will stand personally before God, each of us will have to give a personal account to God.... "Father, I don't want my life to be driven by anything but love for You.  Help me to center my life on your plan and purpose for me, and not worry about the expectations of others".

My Life has eternal consequences.  I pray for a relationship of love and trust in God through His son Jesus so I can spend eternity with Him.  "Open my eyes and mind to your will Lord.  Every second that I live here, is a second that I'm not in Your presence.  My world is so small.  Please help me to reach the man across the sea.  Let me be one man for You". 

.....Blessed are those who endure when they are tested.  When they pass the test, they will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him.....  James 1:12.

I will pick up my cross every day and follow you

Sun, Nov 20th - 3:32PM

The Lord's Day

Very early this morning, while it was still too cold to poke my head out from under the covers, I received confirmation from God that this impending journey will change my life... my television was on, the volume so low I could barely hear it... Greg Laurie was speaking from Harvest Ministries. Now I don't normally listen to televangelists but Greg teaches from the same doctrine as Calvary Chapel - my home church.  The channel was random, not purposely chosen, just left on from the night before .....  Greg's subject was "Forty Days of Purpose" (the second best selling book next to the Bible!).  His encouraging message answered any doubts I may have had about the subject (when it's not in His written Word I tend to doubt). Greg's message was a confirmation for me.  ...I continued to doze off and on... soon thereafter another voice came floating from the television, I can't even say who it was... but the message was the same as Greg's had been!  A second confirmation!  I can hardly wait to read chapter five - Onward Christian Soldiers!

Sat, Nov 19th - 1:39PM

Forty Days of Purpose - day four

My life has always been driven by guilt ... I wanted  to please my (parent) at all costs.  I would lie to keep my mother from knowing or finding out something I had done; something I was ashamed of.  Since I turned my life over for God's will, I've been aware of everything I say - I don't want to be compelled to lie anymore.  Sometimes the truth is very scary, but ultimately it's the right thing to do.  Once in awhile I tell a "white lie" to my husband - I'm so afraid of his temper.  I never know when I'll push a button, so I lie to protect myself from his wrath..... I pray for the strength to face him in light of the truth.

I feel so grateful that I've been given some time to discover my purpose for God ... that's what drives me now; finding my purpose and accepting me for who and what I am.  That includes my heritage.  I don't desire silver and gold - my fortune is waiting in heaven.  My earthly needs are met - I have food, shelter and clothing.  I don't want anything else.  I pray for discernment in my charity - that I have the wisdom to help those that really need it.

I'm breaking free from the chains of my past.  The only important thing is finding my purpose for God.  I accept his forgiveness with joy and gladness.  My best friend died for me and I am washed clean by the blood.  Thank you Jesus.  Glory, glory, glory! Holy is His Name!  Praise the Lord!  Hallelujah - HE LOVES ME!

Fri, Nov 18th - 9:36PM

Forty Days of Purpose - day three