The Lord allowed us to rest today, which was much needed after an extended weekend with the five kids. God must have touched the children this weekend, for they were extremely well behaved, very few arguments, and the AUTISM seemed to be at a small-sensitivity level. Today was covered in thunderstorms and lightening, so the pool didn't open as planned. After a weekend filled with activities, the kids didn't seem to mind and spent the time on the computer and watching Disney Movies. One of the movies they watched was Narnia, which I wish I had known it was on. I too would have liked to have watched it. I would like to see the Christian references that are done in the movie.

I will probably end up purchasing it on DVD, so I can watch it myself.

My husband did an old fashioned BBQ, much like we used to do back home on the lake. We waited for the kids to go to bed, since they don't like shish kabobs or steak, and then he cooked us a couple of T-Bones and chicken bobs. I made some jacket (baked) potatoes to go with it and we had ourselves a feast. It was a blessing for us both to spend a meal by ourselves. It is rare these days that we do so, since most of our HOMETOWN restaurants have closed and the others are too fancy for my taste.

I spent most of my time on Ebay, bidding and winning some solar lawn decoration. I love birds, and have three feeders in the back. My favorites are the Kansas Bluebird and the Cardinals that always nest in our trees. I bought a solar bird bath that also has a fountain in the middle. I also ordered a few solar lighted cherubs and a cherub wall fountain for inside our new room.

If you haven't guessed--I love fountains.

I am trying to get as much good favor on Ebay as I can, so I can market soaps, candles and other items as they come along on there. So far, I have 100% good feedback, which is good. I should also have the site opened by this week, where I have custom made angel pins that you can design yourself. The woman only pays me commission for each sold, but they seem to be a hot item and I donate the money back to parents that can't afford to buy markers or other funeral/burial items for their child. A fellow sister in Christ that lives in Canada also quilts, and she will be making custom designed quilts made out of children's clothing for the parents. Things on the business end are prospering. I am beginning to feel a bit like Joseph, after being thrown in a pit and then the Lord giving me favor afterwards.

It has been hard to keep in touch with people that I grew up with or made friends with over the years, since moving to Kansas. My ex-business partner and I were very good friends while we worked together, and we speak to each other all the time. I also stay in touch with a childhood friend who is also the Godmother to my children. Sometimes, we make reference to the old times, and how we miss coming over to each other's houses for coffee or going out for Chinese food together. During the summer, I used to host many lake BBQ's, and we also had a pool so the kids would have a ball while we all sat around talking with each other. All of that is in the past and, even though God has been very good for us here, I will never forget all the nice memories from back home on the lake.

My friend, and sister in Christ (we truly believe we are sisters and call each other as such) has moved to Canada and is applying for immigration there. She married a man that is very devoted to God, but the immigration process in Canada is not favorable to American citizens. Right now, she is stuck where she is. She can't leave or immigration could refuse her re-entry. She has a grandson with neuroblastoma, and if she leaves her husband, she cannot return to be with him. Although I am pretty sure I would go in a heartbeat, I know my feelings are because I buried my own child and know what it is like to spend that precious time with them as long as possible. But, she follows God's Will and truly believes she has to stay where she is. This is not going over well with her children or grandchildren, so I ask you to keep her in prayer. This woman has a true heart for God and we have had more than a few tearful prayer conversations on the phone. I am praying that I am able to go up to her house on the western coast, and visit with her for a weekend before the summer ends. Their house overlooks the ocean and it sounds like some wonderful time for fellowship and prayer, as well as the ability to see her again--what a blessing.

I will probably go to Tuesday night worship tomorrow night. I truly enjoy that and have skipped the past two weeks due to respite times conflicting with the younger two and the time the church has the service.

My current respite provider was not pleased to find out that the two youngest will be going elsewhere for the summer. Although she started out saying she "wouldn't see her babies", the truth came out in the end; "How will I pay my bills", she cried? Respite providers are paid very good money, and she has it even better because I don't make her stay here to do the care, but allow her to go and do her own things while she has them. This has worked out well for Taylor, who at one time, couldn't even go into a store. Now, nothing phases her, including the loud sounds of weed whackers and other outdoor devices that used to bother her before. However, the place they will be going is much better, for they are experienced in autism, the kids will have free time and not be dragged all over the place in the heat, and can stay in the pool with the service provider for as long as they want. After weighing all the aspects, and also knowing that they have cared for severely disabled children all of their lives, I know that God sent me to them for a reason. They are also Christian and have done ministry for a long time. That also makes me feel better. I just have to get over the guilt of letting the one I have now go. I do like her and I really hate firing anyone (you should have seen me in my old business--boy, did I ever let lots of things slide and picked up the slack myself). I guess, this time it isn't me that is the issue but the kids. And, in this house, kids come first.

She can always become an associate of mine and sell candles and soaps! :)

I have so much to do tomorrow, when the kids are in their final full day of school. My tile floor no longer looks tiled, but looks like a mud wrestling arena. I also have to schedule the flooring guy, so I can get the laminate in the kids’ playroom and get that over with. The proceeds left over will go straight to ministry. I have been asked to do ministry overseas with prisoners, and I am pretty sure I will do that for a few weeks. With Tom working the other shift this summer, I am free to go over and work in an area that I truly feel a calling for--victims of rape or some that have lost children to death, who are incarcerated for lashing out at their abusers. All is falling into place, but I have to work on these candles and soaps first. Then, they pretty much market themselves.

My entries may end up at very odd hours. In the summer, I change sleeping shifts. I sleep during the day when my husband is home, and then stay up all night to work, as well as take care of the housework. Tomorrow is the last day on my NORMAL schedule of working here days, and cleaning in between.

God is continuously good to me and I can never thank Him enough.

The flowers and bushes are mostly planted. I am hoping for cooler weather tomorrow so I can also get the last 4 roses in. My neighbor stopped over to tell me how lovely the yard was with all the roses, and then commented on the butterfly-attracting bushes that I planted, where the birdbath fountain will go. It makes me laugh a little. When I first moved in here, the OLD neighborhood saw a single mom with 5 children. I had never mowed a lawn before, so I was new at everything. I would receive anonymous letters, telling me that "my type" didn't belong here. Now, my house is worth almost twice what I paid for it, the yard is filled with flowering plants, decorated well with solar items that light up well at night, and they know I am not a welfare mom (as they had me pegged as), but a business owner who has been in business for 14 years now.

Ah, what an unchristian world we live in. Judgment is passed long before the story is told. This guy is our neighborhood society gossip--he knows everyone's profession, how much they bought their house for, what their plans are, and everything else you could imagine about them. It amazes me that someone would be that interested in other's lives, but be so unwilling to help out someone that is in need. Instead of trying to help show me how to do the lawn, I got criticism instead. If it hadn’t been for my church coming over and doing it all for me, my grass would be over the roof by now, and the town would be in mowing it, then passing me the bill to pay for it!

It is prayer time in my prayer room. My list of prayers:

Unspoken prayer for some people I truly love--protection, Christian influence and reuniting.

That God will reach my good friend's heart, heal her MS and help her deal with the many tragedies in her life (she is agnostic at this time).

For Mark, who is suffering from Agoraphobia.

For Alison--Praise report: Her husband, since we have been praying is no longer hitting or verbally abusing her and actually buying things for her and apologizing--may this continue and may the Lord keep working on his heart, as well as giving her strength in her walk with Christ.

For Pastor Joe and his family, in their ministry to convert the nonbelievers in Gambia. Protection for those that do come to Christ for they are cast out of their family and villages once they accept Christ.

For the Lost and seeking, to find the Lord and that God will send His vessels to deliver His message, spoken through the Holy Spirit.

For everyone on this site--that they be blessed and that their prayers be answered.

For my husband and that his travel will be safe, as well as all his passengers.

For my children, three of which suffer judgment because of their disabilities.

For RiverCity Church; a humble church that refuses to ask for money but still feeds the poor and homeless, as well as their own congregation, has pursuit classes for all those with different afflictions, and has devoted intercession night every Thursday. May they be financially blessed and may more of the inner city broken and lost find their ways through our doors.

For our world leaders, law makers and individual governments--that peace will come to each and every country and war will end.

Praise be to God. Thank You Jesus for dying for us so that we could live.

God Bless you all and you are in my prayers, tonight and always,

Kelly

I just spent some time in the garden. Another day of 90 degrees here in the midwest, which leads to staying inside as long as possible, and waiting for the wind to pick up so we can go out and enjoy the back garden. Tom was not pleased that I had 4 butterfly-attracting plants that needed holes dug. I had to make a deal that; I would put them in and cover them after he dug the holes. The other four rose trees are going to wait until tomorrow. There are times when you know that, pushing the husband is just not the thing to do at that time. :)

It is a weekend of war movies on every station. I have over 1500 stations, and very few have anything but Memorial Day tributes. I realize the importance of this to our country, for many died to let us all be free. However, I wish they would either make some new movies or something. When you can actually play the parts of the actors before they say their lines, you know it has been on, one too many times.

Tom is in his glory, however. He loves war movies. It reminds me of my grandfather, who served in WWII. I think he could relate to many of the older movie, mostly based during that world war. I grew up with those movies, played on every patriotic holiday. No matter what else was on, the television ended up on a movie about war.

That is, of course there was a baseball or hockey game was on. No one dared tell my grandmother that she couldn't watch her sports!

The kids went off to the movies tonight, after earning time by doing chores around the house. I cooked BBQ chicken on the grill, and made some fries to go with it.

I should have gone to church today, but spent the day in rest and prayer alone instead. The church knows so much about me and my family. I should have spent some time with one of the other intercessors there at the end of the sermon. I am regretting that now, but I will spend that time with God very soon.

Is unconditional love, to the point of it weighing heavy on your heart wrong? It seems that it is to some, and others don't understand it at all. I have a friend that gets upset when I talk about unconditional love for anyone other than your own child or your husband. She could even understand family. However, when I talk about having it with people that are friends, or people that I feel of as family, she doesn't get it at all.

My heart is heavy, for I can't share that unconditional love with some people that I want to. I had a best friend back home, Rick, whose wife couldn't handle his best friend being female. Because of this, we had to stop our friendship, even though we were very close and I got along with his wife. Her jealousy came between our friendship and, in the end we went our separate ways.

I love some people very much, but am unable to see them or do anything but talk on the phone. Sometimes, others keep them away in fear of this unconditional love being threatening to their own situation. I guess that is the part I don't understand. Either that or, the way I was raised and how I feel about people is wrong. Sometimes, I wish I had a heart of stone and was able to just forget some people. Other times, I know it is how God made me and there is a reason for my empathy towards others.

I know God will do His Will in His Timing, and I will see all these people that I love so much again. No one can come between God's love and us, no matter how much they try. I just wish everyone could feel the same, or understand the benefits of having so much love around themselves and their family or friends. I have been blessed with the love myself, from my children to friends that I have known most of my life. No matter what is happening or how far away we are, I can pick up a phone and talk to them as if it was yesterday. Unfortunately, that is not the case with those that were taken away from others--wife, husband, race, addictions, family or whatever it was that separated our love from each other.

I just wish I knew why some believe unconditional love is wrong. Is the world that messed up that we forget what love truly is, and how beneficial it is in our lives? It hurts, yes. But it blesses us at the same time.

*** *** ***

I  ordered some soap supplies today, so I could make soy-based soaps in the most beautiful designs and scents, including embossed Victorian, Celtic Crosses and hummingbird/ivy detail. I will add these with my candles, along with scented salts and votives. I hope to be on the market completely by the second week in June.

The Lord is so good to me. I am finally have a business that I love, and this time, it is something that I enjoy doing. As much as I used to love computers, I became burned out after almost 25 years. Although the site for child loss will need updating and some new html added to it, it won't be as time consuming as it was when it first started. The best part of all is that, I am still able to stay home with my kids!

Tom also got word that, he will be working for the school bus company instead of doing the long haul runs with the Charter bus company. That frees up so much of the summer, and I will be able to go on a trip that I had planned for ministry, as well as get the candles made. I can sleep during the day while he is home, and stay up all night, making candles and soaps without worrying about Taylor or Colin coming near and getting burned. (Plus, it does make one heck of a mess).

In 2 weeks, I am going to a monastery in the Ozarks of Missouri (mountain/lake area) with a group from church. It is a place for private prayer. You bring your own linens and food, but are allowed to listen to the Christian Monks say the scriptures in song! It is filled with nature walks, waterfalls and mountain scenery. The women that I am going with will be fasting, so that is the plan for the weekend. We will share gas for the ride up north, and then see each other only during certain times. It is time that each of us will spend alone, with God in His Nature. I am very much looking forward to this.

It is almost time to go out and spend time in prayer so I guess I should try and get a few things done. The kids are off tomorrow (arghhh), and little can be done when they are here. They go to school for 1 and a half days after that, and are off for the summer, until August (arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh). Praise God for having pools and a park so close to us, as well as a riverside nature trail not far from the house. We also have a free farmstead that was donated land in the farm area, with animals of all types, and many parks and recreation while you are there. Although I miss my home on the lake back home, and the ability to go there on a moments notice, I do like having so much variety for the children. God has been so good to us by moving us here. I can't praise Him enough for all our blessings.

Please keep those that I have mentioned in the past in unspoken prayer. Also, I have two friends--a pastor in Gambia, who needs prayer for his ministry and an online prayer intecessor that needs prayer for agoraphobia and anxiety. Along with our daily prayers for our governments, our world, the lost and the poor, please add the above in your prayers as well. God Bless you for doing this!

You are all in my prayers!

May God's Grace fill your hearts, today and always,

Kelly

There are times of the year where I can write forever, and other times when writing is further from my mind. I had a diary for many years on another site. I met so many wonderful people from there and even got together with a few. The girl I bought my house from also was on that site. It is amazing how God can bring people together, no matter where they are in the world.

The internet can be a wonderful place for the Lord's Work. It also can be a sad and evil place, where Satan runs unbridled.

I have been praying about a site that I wrote, almost 7 years ago after the loss of my son. I stayed up for many nights, watching the sunset and then the sunrise, working on that site. I was so far from God at that point, believing the ever-famous words of the misinformed “comforters”: "God needed another angel", "God took Him for the best", "and God only takes the finest flowers for His Garden". All of those things turned me away from the Lord for, it was something a grieving parent takes, in many cases as a curse. I was one of those parents and believed that God had taken my son, and would soon take my other children as well.

Even though I became bitter and angry at Him, He never left my side. I learned HTML and JAVA, and wrote a site from scratch for all types of child loss resulting from death. It started out as only 3 pages, and grew to the point of international awards. I met people from almost every country in the world, and received thousands of emails a week. The Glory all goes to God, for He took a tragedy in my life and guided me to help others. The site was what God enabled me to do; a calling from Him that would help so many.

Last year, I decided that it was time for me to do another type of ministry. I never renewed the site. For many months I received emails from worried parents that used the site often, wondering if something had happened to me. After a few more months, I stopped hearing from people completely, as they realized that I had finally hit burn-out from dealing with grief around the clock.

Yet, our Lord deals with grief around the clock. It isn't just joy and prosperity, but our pains and sorrows. So, after weeks of prayer I paid for the site last night and it should be back online by next week. I will probably offer memorial candles on the site as well, since grieving parents tend to light candles in memory of their child, every night and I so love to help others to feel comfort during the worst tragedy a parent can feel--the death of their child.

With the loss of my 4th child and then, the tough times afterwards with sick children and then, 2 diagnosed with autism my marriage finally began to fail. I spent most of my time, hiding in the online world while my husband slept upstairs on the couch. We drifted apart, both sharing grief with others and not with ourselves. One thing led to another, and we finally split up completely in 2000. He went to his father's house in Boston and I stayed with the children in our house on the New Hampshire border. He saw the kids, once a week. On that day, I would go out or I would work, depending on what there was to do when he came over. The children suffered deeply, but God stayed with us, even though I still had not acknowledged His presence in our lives.

A calling came in November of 2003, for me to move to Kansas. Slowly, doors began to open that seemed too good to pass up. I found a house, although older than our house in Massachusetts that was twice as big. It had the 2nd best school district in the nation. The cost of living was much lower than the expense of the east coast. My house would sell for almost 3 times what we paid for it there, and I could buy this house, mortgage free (although, after repairs I now have a mortgage again). After brief discussions with my husband, and many factors playing in with the decision, I gave away most of all of our belongings, packed my own truck with things we needed to survive, and put all 5 kids on a plane heading out to the unknown.

I had no idea, then that God had done all this. It wasn't until I found a nondenominational church that I fell in love with, that I came back to Christ and was reborn again. I can only explain it as a "bonk on the head" during one of our services. Everything clicked that day, and I knew that Jesus was my savior and God had never left my side. I had left His.

I was baptized the following summer of 2004, as I accepted Christ as my Lord and Savior.  I died that day, and was reborn at the same time. It was the most blessed event of my life, next to the birth of my children of course.

Many believed that I should divorce my husband, as he had stayed back in Massachusetts and stopped contact with his children after only a few months. We would go for months without hearing from him, but the kids and I would continue to pray for him to hear the Lord, and call his children. I refused to divorce, feeling the Lord telling me to wait on Him. Many thought I was daft for doing this, but I knew that God had plans for us and I stayed faithful until the day that my husband came back.

To make a very long story short, God restored my marriage and we are together today as I write this. My husband found a good job here, after 6 months of waiting on His Promise, and he attends both churches that we now go to. The children have their dad back, and I have my husband back. God is too gracious for words. His Mercy is beyond our comprehension.

The Lord also used that time to work on me. For so long, I had blamed my husband for all our troubles. Then, one day the Lord gave me His mirror to look in, "the Bible" and pointed me to passages that opened up my eyes. I was the one that had left my husband. It was clearly stated that a wife should never do this. The Lord showed me other passages as well, making me realize how much was actually my fault, and I went in and repented, mostly in tears for all the wrongs I had done.

When my husband called, almost after 6 months of no contact, he began to apologize with the sound of heavy sobs in his voice. Instead of anger, I began to sob as well and apologized for all I had done to ruin our marriage. It wasn't any ONE person's fault. We both had an equal part in what caused our lives to change.

Praise God that our lives are back to where we could make a fresh start. I will be married for 18 years this coming September.

There are times when people believe that God has given up on them, and wander into a dark place like I had. I will be the first to witness for Him that, He never leaves us but guides us through those hard times, and takes those trials to strengthen us and make us stronger in Him. NOTHING is impossible with God. There are times it might feel as though the storm will never end, but I can attest to God's Mighty Power and He WILL calm the seas and allow you to sail to clearer skies and blue-green oceans. It is all in His Time, and you have to be willing to accept the things that He will show you. After that, the boat becomes calm and stops rocking back and forth on the waves. Yes, there will be many more storms but, God will see us through them all. We simply need to keep our faith and let Him be in total control.

When the website is back online, I will post the URL here. It is my prayer that, if you know of someone that lost a child you will send them to the site. The site is free and always will be. There is information and support for every type of death, no matter what it is. It is a nonjudgmental, nondenominational site as well, so no one will feel that they are being pushed into something they are not ready to deal with.

Yet, I plan on writing a new page, with my testimony and how the Lord worked with me to build that site. I didn't do it alone. God's Hand was the guidance and direction. I simply was the one that held the computer and keyboard.

It is time for intercession, and the prayer requests that came in today are many. I no longer can list prayer requests here, due to some personal issues with prayers being posted (I wish I could explain, but I can't). I just ask for unspoken prayer for those that I love, and are part of my life. I ask for marriages to be prayed for and abuse to be stopped in them. I ask that the lost be prayed for and are allowed to hear the Word of God. I ask for the homeless and desperate to feel God's Loving Embrace and that all nations be filled with the Holy Spirit--especially our leaders in each government. Please pray that war become a thing of our past, as well as disease, hunger and poverty. With God’s guidance, may judgment and mockery become compassion and help for those in need. These are the prayers that I ask for personally, in the Name of Our Lord, Jesus Christ.

Praise God, and know that all that read this are in my nightly prayer intercession.

God Bless,

Kelly

8 Love is eternal.

Luke chapter 6 (GWT)

27 "But I tell everyone who is listening:
Love your enemies.
Be kind to those who hate you.
28 Bless those who curse you.
Pray for those who insult you.
29 If someone strikes you on the cheek, offer the other cheek as well. If someone takes your coat, don't stop him from taking your shirt.
30 Give to everyone who asks you for something. If someone takes what is yours, don't insist on getting it back.

31 "Do for other people everything you'd like them to do for you.

32 "If you love those who love you, do you deserve any thanks for that? Even sinners love those who love them.
33 If you help those who help you, do you deserve any thanks for that? Sinners do that too.
34 If you lend anything to those from whom you expect to get something back, do you deserve any thanks for that? Sinners also lend to sinners to get back what they lend.
35 Rather, love your enemies, help them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then you will have a great reward. You will be the children of the Most High God. After all, he is kind to unthankful and evil people. 36 Be merciful as your Father is merciful.

37 "Stop judging, and you will not be judged.
Stop condemning, and you will not be condemned.
Forgive, and you will be forgiven.
38 Give, and you will receive. A large quantity, pressed together, shaken down, and running over will be put into your pocket.
The standards you use for others will be applied to you."

+ + + + + +

I grew up in; by what today's standards would be an abusive household. Back then, it was a much "disciplined" household. Children on spoke when spoken to, the was no worry of the rod ever being spared or the child being spoiled, you went into stores with your hands in your pockets and wouldn't DARE ask for anything while you were there. In many ways, it was harmful. The emotional and physical abuses were severe. In other ways, it helped me to be independent, honest and respectful of everyone around me. I guess there are always two sides of every story.

In today's society, many are too busy to even notice their child, let alone spend time with them. The time that is spent is doing things that look good. After all, the other time spent is working extra hours so they have those added pleasures to shower upon the child, so the child believes they are "loved". Think about it--in the early days, we had books to entertain us. TV was practically nonexistent for a child and the mother usually always stayed home. We went to public schools, unless you were one of those "wealthy kids down the road", we didn't worry about school violence, we prayed openly in our schools and little boys would give a small peck on a girl’s cheek, and it wasn’t called "sexual harassment".

I live in a very wealthy community. Most parents work long hours, while their kids are in school then in daycare. They do have the two SUV's in the double-garaged mansion, with the vacation home on the lake or beach, and the best clothes that money can buy. Kids have computers, video games, computer games, HDTV and a DVR. Music is uncensored to the point of every other word coming from language that I only heard in the most severe of housing projects. Kids don't go on bike rides or walks to the park. Today, it is all about status and how we can look to the "other neighbor", Mr. Jones as we compare our added extras in our cars.

My house is humble, to say the least. By today's standards, it might be even considered unfit, for it isn't filled with the cathedral ceilings, skylights, and fancy woodwork. It is big by what I am used to from growing up, but is small considering the "upper class" homes down the street.

Yet, to us it will forever be HOME on this earth.

My electrical is old, We have one garage just barely big enough for one car, my van runs on prayer and my kids go skating when "they earn enough in chores" to do so. Nothing is free in this house, for it didn't come free in the beginning. Yes, they are more "spoiled" than when I was a kid, and I give too much latitude when it comes to giving into their desires sometimes. By the standards of some of their friends, we don't have much at all.

Yet, we share what we do have, and I will say openly that, we sometimes love to the point of being hurt. Jesus understands this. He found out more than we will ever know, just how much love can hurt.

I have seen money be the root of all evil. I have seen children bought instead of truly loved. I have seen them put into another setting, not because they need to be there but because the parents need to be somewhere else. Sometimes, I wonder which really abuse is; the rod that wasn't spared, or the lack of family that spends time together, truly showing Christian love. If we could only use what money we had, not to buy the fancy extras, but to help our fellow neighbor in need.

My grandmother was strict about sharing what little we had. Our home never lacked company. Every morning that I got up, a neighbor, the mailman or even the milk man were sitting, having coffee with my grandmother. She is the one that raised me, and she was strict about many things concerning how a child should act. But, when someone needed something, she never batted an eye lashes to give it to them. Our rule of thumb was, "there is always someone worse off than we are". How true that truly is.

Thank God I had one Christian in the house. My mother was agnostic, and very bitter about how life had treated her. My grandfather was a good man, but atheist and wanted nothing to do with anything that even remotely resembled a church. Confusing was how it was, to say the least. But my grandmother did most of my raising, so a Christian is how I was brought up.

Praise Jesus.

Revenge and hurting others that we don't agree with is the way it is with many today. I have seen people lash out at people that don't even know, simply because of some unknown reason of jealousy or lack of trying to create understanding of why things occurred the way they did. We jump the gun sometimes. We are first to pass judgment and last to ask questions first. I am guilty of this myself. I have trusted when I should have been on guard, and on guard with some that I should have trusted.

In some ways I won. In many ways I lost.

When Jesus died for our sins, He didn't look at himself or how He was viewed by those that nailed Him to the cross. Without even hesitating for a minute, He forgave them for "they knew not what they did". How long ago that was, and it seems that, in today's world many have lost that way in their own lives, and turned to judging, possessing or forbidding when they really should be doing the opposite. How humbled I am at the sight of the Cross. How unworthy we all are for what He did for us.

How ungrateful we truly can be sometimes.

I have seen my friends, while going through a bitter divorce; use their children as pawns to get "dirt" on the other parent. The children end up dreading the visitation, due to the interrogation they will receive when they get to the other home. Friends also do this to friends, and even strangers do it to those that they have never met. We covet what we don't have and hoard what we do. We will lash out in jealousy at what we had lost, and take hostage what we are so gracefully given. In the end, the children are the ones that suffer. Many go on to continue that chain that they were brought up with, while others can break the chain and begin again--in a new, resurrected life that doesn't dwell on the mistreatment of our past.

God gave us each other, to love and care for as His Children. He didn't want us to be angry or to pass judgment on each other, but to try and work together, even when mistakes are made that are hurtful but not meant to be so. God wanted us to turn our other cheek, and to speak to those that accused us first--for He knew that, if we truly did, we would find a common ground in which we could forgive and love again.

All of this was written after hearing a TV program that my husband fell asleep listening to. It is one of "today's types of dramas", with little reality of dialogue, but plenty of realities of the way things are in our world today. When we were kids, TV had a couple of shows that showed us what life was like WITH THE PERFECT FAMILY (Leave it to Beaver, Father Knows Best, The Partridge Family and the ever famous, Brady Bunch). Yet, none of us could relate to that perfect family for it truly did not exist in the world of that day. We searched high and low, striving to become part of those families, but only found one dysfunctional family after another, and we coveted what TV made us to believe was what we truly could never have.

Yet, all we need to do to find the PERFECT FAMILY today is to look up to the heavens and seek His Face. God IS perfect and WE are His Children. We don't need to look into window next door to find it. We need to just look into our hearts as Christians, and know that we are the perfect family in His eyes!

God Bless You All,

My favorite parts of these psalms, that truly speak to my soul, are in bold. Glory be to God, who forever loves and protects us from those who only want to hurt us and mock our very name!

Praise Jesus!!!!!!!!

Psalm 35

A psalm of David.

    2
    Put on your armor, and take up your shield.
       Prepare for battle, and come to my aid.

    3
    Lift up your spear and javelin
       and block the way of my enemies.
    Let me hear you say,
       "I am your salvation!"

    4
    Humiliate and disgrace those trying to kill me;
       turn them back in confusion.

    5
    Blow them away like chaff in the wind--
       a wind sent by the angel of the LORD.

    6
    Make their path dark and slippery,
       with the angel of the LORD pursuing them.

    7
    Although I did them no wrong,
       they laid a trap for me.
    Although I did them no wrong,
       they dug a pit for me.

    8
    So let sudden ruin overtake them!
       Let them be caught in the snare they set for me!
       Let them fall to destruction in the pit they dug for me.

    9
    Then I will rejoice in the LORD.
       I will be glad because he rescues me.

    10
    I will praise him from the bottom of my heart:
       "LORD, who can compare with you?
    Who else rescues the weak and helpless from the strong?
       Who else protects the poor and needy from those who  want to rob them?"

    11
    Malicious witnesses testify against me.
       They accuse me of things I don't even know about.

    12
    They repay me with evil for the good I do.
       I am sick with despair.

    13
    Yet when they were ill,
       I grieved for them.
    I even fasted and prayed for them,
       but my prayers returned unanswered.

    14
    I was sad, as though they were my friends or family,
       as if I were grieving for my own mother.

    15
    But they are glad now that I am in trouble;
       they gleefully join together against me.
    I am attacked by people I don't even know;
       they hurl slander at me continually.

    16
    They mock me with the worst kind of profanity,
       and they snarl at me.

    17
    How long, O Lord, will you look on and do nothing?
       Rescue me from their fierce attacks.
       Protect my life from these lions!

    18
    Then I will thank you in front of the entire congregation.
       I will praise you before all the people.

    19
    Don't let my treacherous enemies
       rejoice over my defeat.
    Don't let those who hate me without cause
       gloat over my sorrow.

    20
    They don't talk of peace;
       they plot against innocent people
       who are minding their own business.

    21
    They shout that they have seen me doing wrong.
       "Aha," they say. "Aha!
       With our own eyes we saw him do it!"

    22
    O LORD, you know all about this.
       Do not stay silent.
       Don't abandon me now, O Lord.

    23
    Wake up! Rise to my defense!
       Take up my case, my God and my Lord.

    24
    Declare me "not guilty," O LORD my God, for you give justice.
       Don't let my enemies laugh about me in my troubles.

    25
    Don't let them say, "Look! We have what we wanted!
       Now we will eat him alive!"

    26
    May those who rejoice at my troubles
       be humiliated and disgraced.
    May those who triumph over me
       be covered with shame and dishonor.

    27
    But give great joy to those
       who have stood with me in my defense.
    Let them continually say, "Great is the LORD,
       who enjoys helping his servant."

    28
    Then I will tell everyone of your justice and goodness,
       and I will praise you all day long.

Psalm 139

A psalm of David.

 1
    O LORD, you have examined my heart
       and know everything about me.

    2
    You know when I sit down or stand up.
       You know my every thought when far away.

    3
    You chart the path ahead of me
       and tell me where to stop and rest.
       Every moment you know where I am.

    4
    You know what I am going to say
       even before I say it, LORD.

    5
    You both precede and follow me.
       You place your hand of blessing on my head.

    6
    Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
       too great for me to know!

    7
    I can never escape from your spirit!
       I can never get away from your presence!

    8
    If I go up to heaven, you are there;
       if I go down to the place of the dead,^[a] you are there.

    9
    If I ride the wings of the morning,
       if I dwell by the farthest oceans,

    10
    even there your hand will guide me,
       and your strength will support me.

    11
    I could ask the darkness to hide me
       and the light around me to become night--

   
    12 but even in darkness I cannot hide from you.
    To you the night shines as bright as day.
       Darkness and light are both alike to you.

    13
    You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body
       and knit me together in my mother's womb.

    14
    Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex!
       Your workmanship is marvelous--and how well I know it.

    15
    You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion,
       as I was woven together in the dark of the womb.

    16
    You saw me before I was born.
       Every day of my life was recorded in your book.
    Every moment was laid out
       before a single day had passed.

    17
    How precious are your thoughts about me,^[b] O God!
       They are innumerable!

    18
    I can't even count them;
       they outnumber the grains of sand!
    And when I wake up in the morning,
       you are still with me!

    19
    O God, if only you would destroy the wicked!
       Get out of my life, you murderers!

    20
    They blaspheme you;
       your enemies take your name in vain.

    21
    O LORD, shouldn't I hate those who hate you?
       Shouldn't I despise those who resist you?

    22
    Yes, I hate them with complete hatred,
       for your enemies are my enemies.

    23
    Search me, O God, and know my heart;
       test me and know my thoughts.

    24
    Point out anything in me that offends you,
       and lead me along the path of everlasting life.

Father, thank You for standing with me, and always making a way, even through the darkest times in my life; when the storms from those that are evil try to come between my love for You and others. As those against my love that comes in Your name watch me, with wicked intent, let them know that You are watching them and will always be in control! Thank You God!

Sweet Jesus, I praise Your Holy Name and Thank You for giving us life through death of self. Let no person or nation defile what You have done through us, in Your Exalted name. Watch over all of Your children, Precious Jesus, for they evil tries to discourage and dismantle their goodness, but Your Glory will always win! Praise be to You, Jesus! Thank You Father!

Amen