Fri, Aug 31st - 11:54PM

Amazing Love God's Way

Sometimes in life we meet people who change our lives so drastically that there's never a doubt that God placed them in our lives.

My best friend is one of those people and this blog is dedicated specifically to her.

We met online almost four years ago this December. At the time, I never even guessed that she would become the big sister that I'd always needed, always dreamed of having but never had. At the time, she was just someone I'd asked to pray for me, someone I never thought I'd cherish as much as I do today.

She's stuck by me through thick and thin. I've lied to her over and over, hid things, and yes I even took off with her cell phone, but she's never turned her back, even though in my heart I know there's been times when she's wanted to. She opened up her heart, her home and made me feel like part of her family. She's stood up for me when others have put me down, been my prayer partner and my other part of a duet that only God could form. We've laughed together, cried together, sang together and worked together. God has sewn our hearts together with His special thread of love, and had placed a bond between us that nothing has been able to destroy, tho satan has tried several times.

I want to say thank you to my best friend Carrie for all you have ever done for me. I know in my heart that God could never have chosen a better friend, sister, confidant, and teacher for me. I love you girl..and I pray for you every day.

Fri, Apr 6th - 8:33PM

After work Carrie and I went to half price book store and she bought me a new bible. We also went to some other stores and I really enjoyed the time we had together..it isnt very often that we get to spend time together except at work and when we do get the time together I cherish every moment. I do miss our alone times tho. I guess that's why alot of the times after work when we go somewhere that's the reason I get talkative. It's hard sometimes but I've been trying to really open up and just let my feelings out instead of keeping things bottled up the way i did before. I dont want anything to come in between carrie and I again and i know that if i cant talk and open up then those hurt feelings will build. I will say this, things are definately getting back to normal between us and that I am very grateful for. She means alot to me because of all that she has done for me and the love and friendship that she has given. I know there arent a whole lot of people that can get over the kind of hurt ive caused. I'm so thankful for her. and so grateful that she is part of my life. I truly dont know what i would do without her friendship. she is truly a gift from God, one that i continue to praise and thank him for daily.

God is really moving and I can feel His presence with me everywhere I go. Its hard not to look at the beauty of His creations all around and just know how majestic and wonderful He truly is. The grass is sooo green now. For the last couple of years we've had a really bad drought and hardly any rain. The lakes were so dry that under the bridges were so dry that you could walk across dry ground. But now we have been getting LOTS of rain and they are starting to fill up and the trees and grass are so beautiful.

I feel really good about myself right now. I actually took a step yesterday in the right direction by paying off the bank and restarting my bank account. I dont have much in there, but its a good feeling to know that I finally did something right.

I havent slept much today. Ive been restless and cant put my finger on the reason why. I know that I'll be taking my Bible to work tonight. I have one resident that I read to on the weekends when I'm working her hall and we have also started praying together..I love the residents..they need to be loved so much that it makes me just want to reach out and hug them and just give them all the love i can. there are a few there that i know probably wont be with us much longer. it breaks my heart but i also know that they have lived a long life. i feel such a responsibility to make sure they know about Jesus and His love. I want to help them make every day count.

Ive been talking to carrie about starting to go to the nursing home on my days off. Ive already committed to one of the residents that i would go and wash her hair. its sooooooooo long!!!! it takes almost an hour to get it washed and dried!!!!

Wed, Apr 4th - 3:41PM

A little bit more me

Its been almost a month since i moved back home and i still feel that overflowing sense of peace in my life. I know that Im back where I was supposed to be all along.

My friendship with Carrie is growing again. Things have changed though, although i happen to like the changes. I'm not so withdrawn and scared of losing her. I can come back with a come back or even get a little sarcastic at times, which is funny  because before I couldnt do that. It's like when i went to west virginia i got a little bit of attitude and brought it back with me.

Alot of it too is the fact that I know deep in my heart that I'm not going to lose Carrie. She's stood by me through everything I've ever put her through and she still loves me and is there for me. Knowing that with assurance has given me the ability to be a little bit more of myself without fearing.

I've been spending alot of time in prayer..and alot of time in my word. its like i have this hunger and just cant get enough...of course not being able to get enough of God is a good thing. Its a great feeling to wake up and be able to say "Good Morning Lord. I love you." and feel His presence all around me and just hear him say "Good morning my child, I love you too." Its an awesome experience and that's when you know that you have that personal relationship that you've always wanted...

Sun, Apr 1st - 9:05AM

Happy Days

The last couple of days have been really good ones. Work has been good, except for Friday night when one of my residents got out. Thank God he wasnt hurt, just a little wet and cold. He's one of our wanderers and he's so sweet it would have broken my heart had anything happened to him.

Tonight is my night off. Ive worked the last four nights and im worn out already. Last night tho really made things worth it. We have a new resident and I had gone out into the smoke room to check on her and she was talking about what had happened to her over the last few months. The thing that caught my attention was her telling me she had lost her bible. I take mine to work on the weekends so I went to the desk and cleaned mine out and took it to her. She's bi-polar, and she said that she read the Bible when she started to feel down. It really touched my heart to see her eyes light up the way they did, and then she almost started to cry, reaching out to  hug me at the same time. It really blessed me.

This morning we have church. I'm tired and a little grumpy, but after that blessing I'm fighting staying home. I know that if I put  God first, He's going to move. And that is what I have been longing for. To see Him move in a mighty way. Not only in my life but everyone's. He's so gracious and loving. There's nothing on this earth that i wouldnt do for Him....

Wed, Mar 28th - 12:39AM

thinking

Tonight's been a quiet night for me. For starters I didnt wake up until after 8 pm. I'm usually up by 5 at the latest. It takes me a little while to get awake enough to actually hold a conversation tho, so I really didnt talk to much to anyone before Carrie and Heather went to work.

I feel so at peace though that its almost like being in a dream. It's the same peace I felt almost three years ago when I came to Texas for the first time. When I got off the bus then I knew I was home, and I feel the same way now. There is no doubt, no confusion, no what if's. I know in my heart this is truly where I am meant to be.

Things here at the house are going well. Carrie and I have our quiet times when we just sit and drink coffee or just sit and watch tv from the dining room table. Then there is our talk times, usually when no one else is around where we talk about what each other would like to see come out of our lives, and our friendship. Then there's work, which alot of the time is what our conversations are based around because there is so much going on there, not only with the residents but with our co workers too. There's so many there that I'd like to be able to reach out to and really minister to.

I've started thinking again about getting my own place. I know that it may take sometime, especially since i've got a few bills that need to be paid off first so that i'll atleast be able to get the utilities turned on. And there's also me getting a car. This time is different tho, I dont feel so pressured to get it done. I know that God is going to provide everything I need, so there's no concern over whether things are going to happen or not. The only problem i have is waiting on God. I have no patience, especially when it comes to things that I really, really want. I know though that everything happens in God's timing, whether we are patient or not.

I'm so  happy now and at peace. For a couple of days, i did actually question whether I'd  made the right decision. But God has shown me over and over that this is precisely where He wants me to be. There is no doubt left, no wondering, no questions. Its so good to be back home where I belong.