Sat, Jan 26th - 7:09PM
i have discovered the self
a voice that is myself the part that needs cruicified in order to follow my belief and faith im not sure yet out to cruicify the self or whatever except i know not to trust it and definatly not to follow it as it is pretty wicked my self is very damaged from past trumas past abuse and past neglect so i am now to a new lesson learning to love myself in order to love my neighbor this will be a hard hard lesson as i have always put others before me. and someone else has come first it seems so selfish to put your self first once in a while and learning to care for myself instead of everyone else this is not an easy lesson tonite rachael ray is in ireland so im gonna go enjoy bye have a good day
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Tue, Jan 22nd - 1:07PM
thought life
i realize over half of my problem is making my thoughts obiedient to the lord thats where the biggest battle is vain imainigings,lies,self seeking they all come from my thoughts want wont kill you will make you stronger i did battle field of the mind by joyce myers but it didnt do me any good for some reason im guirding myself for the battle of the mind the bible says god is with me and jesus is fighting for me so i know together this battle will be fought and won and the majority of it will be the lords doing for now imm standing on the belief that every word of the bible is true and that those words from the ancient book have the pwoer to save the power to heal the power to deliver,its not just an old book now is it i have never seen anything before that when it is gooton down into a person can make a radical change and change is blowing on the wind its coming my time is coming i will change by the word of god from the inside out when it happens i will honor god with my life and my thoughts and i will be able to truely rejoice and be glad becuase ive made up my mind jesus words is my god jesus is my god and he is here with me and nothing will bother me posses my thoughts or ruin my life my life belongs to the word of almighty god they call him almighty for a reason he will win this and i will glorify his name for it i will glorify his son and his word for it jesus loves me and jesus will win
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Mon, Jan 21st - 1:13PM
learning a new thing
today i starting filling my life with good decent christian music and im now reading the bible out loud i have alot of study books but dont understand most of them there complicated at best i am starting this day with a positive attitude believeing that something good will happen to me today that jesus is on my side,we are studying hewbrews in church and i keep reading my notes also tv preachers have helped so after church im gonna keep watching joyce myers td jakes joel olsteen haggi until i can let go and let god ill never give up my belief and bible i dont care it means more to me then my own life it is my most vaulable possion i only hope it realley will change me from the inside out so i can get over being so stressed out and up tight over it trust for me dosnt come easy but it will happen i want to be ready in case jesus decides to come back
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Sun, Jan 20th - 2:10PM
life -jesus
just got back from church i went back after not being there for a while i still have a battle ahead of me i have to fight fear lack of faith wrong beliefs and wrong motives in my self this is a hard battle but jesus has made me aware that it is one that i have to fight imm learning in order to fight one i have to make or will myself to know im not fighting alone jesus and the good angels are on my side fighting it with me and we will win also there is safty in numbers i have to go to church it has to be a priority no matter what comes up i have to make a quiet time for study and work becuse the christian faith true christian takes work,2- music i did not know just how important christian music is for uplift for strength for encouragement for keeping my soul out of hell the bible is truely the most important book i own time to dust it off and read with prayer since jesus himself promised nme he is the way the truth and the life im trusting him here and now i hope hes reading this to opean the scriptures to me so i can understand all of it and grow in him i cant lean of my own self understanding i need his understanding if this is going to happen so here and now im asking make me understand jesus so i can follow you and walk in your ways and not the way of sin and self please thank you god i know you wont let me down im adjusting to a new situation so it might as well be a new life to new day new way new life .my problem was i was following self and sin thinking i was following jesus turning his truth into a lie for which iam sorry it got me no where trying to do it on my own he has got to break my stubborn pride im expecting him to change my rebillion aginst him and teach me today god jesus how to live for you please please dear god take all of me and use me for your glory today not for sin self and the devil in the name of jesus christ amen
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Fri, Jan 11th - 10:58PM
self
does anybody know how to get off the trap of self and still keep there self worth prayer and faith did not work what now i tried faith i tried prayer i try distraction when will god try
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Fri, Jan 11th - 10:53PM
this is the day the lord has made i will rejoice and be glad in it
tell me how god cuse i cant anymore how can a person rejoice and be glad when there family member is in good smaritian hospital possibly dying wheres the joy in that and peace is a distant dream his words are cute but there just not reality anymore no matter weather i have faith or not nothing makes a difference
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Fri, Jan 11th - 10:48PM
no second chances
last night when i came home from work i found my mother on the floor passed out barley breathing 911 took her to godd smaritian hospital she was in intensive care then they moved her to a regular floor she has had a stroke i have a daughter who i have been through so much with she has blocked me from paging her wont talk to us on the phone wont email us acts like i dont esist like i just walked off a cliff and died my mother might not live through this and all i asked my daughter for was one lousy phone call to her grandmother to say hello i dont understand god why is he allowing satan to destroy me emotionalill and destroying my life and my faith in god i have tried sincerly trusting god immight as well be praying to a park bench no response from god as in hello are you there or did this crisis scare you off,i have sincerly begged cried pleaded everthing to reach god no response from him and i cant even let it go anymore i have tried but if my child refuse one stinking phone call i dont know if i can forgive her for it becuse this is the ultimate in selfish and she may never get another chance to say i love you maybe thats the point maybe she just dosnt anymore
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Sun, Jan 6th - 5:18PM
i just watched haggi ministries on tv so i can still have my church it was so good about rebuilding the gate i learned i cannot save myself like ive tried to in the past only jesus saves i learned i am a sheep in his pasture and he will defend his sheep from the enemy i prayed and know for a fact my prayer has been heard by god jesus and his spirit and i know the answer is on the way he will save me from spirit and mental torment of the devil he will save me from pron drugs and booze and fiflthy talk i will walk in faith till i see it happen im positive jesus will deal with my daughter as well and save her from the power of the devil her self he will change both our lives hes heard us look out im about to find out for a fact god has power,power that ive never seen got a feeling i will be afraid of him when i see it happen with my own eyes im trusting him now and waiting
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Sun, Jan 6th - 11:58AM
fight the good fight one day at a time,
good morning, im starting my day out right with my daily devotional and a cd called god is in this place a worship collection,i actully got this cd for free by my church and it is some of the best music ive ever heard gospel music uplifts and makes me feel better about life and others it seems to melt off stress and make trouble leave, for a while i sincerley believe wholeharlely in answered prayer even though there is something trying to steal my faith im not giving in god chose me jesus died for me and i chose him out my own free will this is a fight to the finish and im in it for the long haul im not giving up and im not giving in,i dont know if anyone else has had the mental torture expierence like this and had to be in a position to fight for the one they love and care about but ill keep fighting jesus matters to me hes worth fighting to keep.ive come to far been here to long to give up now
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Sun, Jan 6th - 2:15AM
my child
thank jesus christ for the answered prayer i hadnt heard from my daughter in 3 weeks and being a mother i feared the worse,finally she emailed me and i begged for forgiveness from the heart for giving her up to her dad aginst my will thanks to a hospital in evansville i told her how i felt and what an idiot i have been and how sorry i am for being forced to give her up and not know what to do when that crisis occured, sometimes not knowing can create havoc and mistakes that i regret terribly, i regret my divorce even though he beat on me at least i felt love when i wasnt being hit on now im just lonely, i regret what a terrible thing my divorce did to my little girl i had no idea how it was effecting her everyime i spewed venom and hatred out of my mouth for him,i didnt realize just how bad words can hurt,maim,or make a person want to end it inside,negative words were used all my life by parents and sometimes coworkers and boyfriends and my ex, how was a person suppose to know the effect there words have on others i pray that jesus will forgive me and cover me in his blood for my part in all of this and the words that i have used that has caused terrible pain to my child and others
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Sun, Jan 6th - 12:00AM
today
what a day i slept till 1;00 in the afternoon, i only worked 3 days last week but felt like i had worked longer, iam still working on joel olsteens your best life now journal and it is taking me longer then i had hoped too much to think about i guess,moms back in bed safely tucked in for the night,its almost midnight right now im still awake trying to find a way to destress im not sure how to rest in the lord all i cna do is pray,wait and stand firm in faith i cant seem to focus on jesus these days it is so hard,i keep focusing on the problem at hand and everyutime i distract my mind goes right back to it,its as if some evil mean thing has stolen my ability to have my own thoughts,like something is directing and guiding getting me into things that i dont want to be a part of like porn sexual conversations with married people subtle things that i dont want and dont have the will to fight.like drinking to de sress from all the tension and mental pain im trying to block,i keep praying and asking others to pray but so far even when i pray the word back its like praying to the ceiling and nothing changes,i just dont know at this point what to do,i try reading the bible distractions and things that have to be dealt with come up,i cant leave mom alone at all now because she has fallen 2 times and im afaid to leave her alone im paying people to check on her while im at work,when im not working im here,the only time ill leave for 10 minutes is when i know shes asleep then its to walk the dog.everytime i try to focus on christ or the bible something happens to keep me away from it i dont understand all this.
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Name: cindy dublin
