Wed, May 31st - 6:06AM

the tops of the trees sway back and forth

 the sun begins to shine

 and moves the shadows from the branches 

 all along the ground

 the wind is warm and gently blowing

 the ground is moist with dew

 and all the time  the flowers grow

up towards the sky so blue.

and as we walk along the path,

and i reach down to pet your neck

that is damp with running breath

your eyes look up at me  to ask

 do we have to go back  just yet?

 cant we stay  alittle longer

while while i run and chase the butterflys

 that come up to me and fli taway.

 can we alittle longer stay?

 '' fetch! ''

i yell, as i throw a stick,

 you run as if there was  a race

, and with your tongue lolling out you splash

 into the brackish lake

and grab  the stick that i had thrown

and bring it back to me-

  show off!

and i can tell you are laughing  at my pace,

 ''why i only have 2 legs - not four'',

 thats why you are ahead of me once more.

 now its time to head on back

to the place we dread so much

 not knowing what we will find

 when the work is over and then  he'll come

 where we sit crouching on the bed

 wondering how it ever got this bad.

please dog

go outside and hide

 and i will be ok.

just dont come out till again he leaves

then ill know you are safe that way.

 you are the only one who cares for me

 and  shows me real true love

 what would i do if  you were gone?

 id dry up and die like those leaves

 we walked thru this morning ,

which once was so very pretty

but now they  are trampled on.

Sun, May 28th - 8:02AM

ITS LIKE THE SLEET ON A ICEY  DARK NIGHT

THAT BEATS  SO HARD ON MY THIN  COAT,

 DISPARE AND ANGER AND SADDNESS FLOWS

THRU MY BLOOD AND  AND I AM SO COLD.

 WITH NOTHING BUT FEAR TO KEEP ME ALIVE,

 NOTHING BUT PAIN UPON PAIN.

 CHOKING BACK TEARS AND BILE THAT

COMES UP IN MY THROAT BECAUSE

 I AM  SICK AND  SO READY TO DIE.

THE NIGHT LASTS FOREVER AND THE PELTING NEVER ENDS,

SHOVING  ME  TO MY KNEES,

I HEAR  ME WHIMPERING AND SHIVERING

 UNDER ICE LADEN TREES,

THAT LOOK READY TO LIGHTEN THEIR LOAD .

ITS LIKE THE SLEET ON A ICEY DARK NIGHT,

 FOREVER COMING 

 BLOODYING ME.

Sun, May 21st - 7:44AM

i  am beyond feeling  sad,

 i am so tired that  i cry-

how can i get away? 

 there is no light in  this tunnel

there is no happy day.

will someone truly be my friend

are you really there?

or is that just a hopeless wish

and this is a heartache i am

 meant to bear...?

please say it isnt.

 i just cant stand

 another empty day,

 where no phone will ring

 or neighbor calls

 to wish my cares away.

will you please try and say ,

a little prayer for me?

 that when darkness comes

i wont be alone

 and angels will watch over me?

and protect me

from

Fri, May 19th - 5:35AM

THE MIRROR DOESNT LIE I SAY

 TO MYSELF,

 AS I LOOK AT  MY FACE,

CLOSE MY EYES, AND OPEN THEM AGAIN,

 HOPING THAT PERHAPS ITS THE SHADING OF THE FLOWERS IN THE VASE

 HES BROUGHT TO ME

 AGAIN ,

 THIRD TIME THIS MONTH.

PUTTING  THE DARK SPLOCHES ON   MY  SKIN AND  THEN,

BLOOD SHOT EYES LOOK BACK AT ME AGAIN.

 HOW MUCH LONGER CAN I PRETEND

 THATS ITS OK?

 IT WAS MY FAULT.

 I MADE YOU MAD.

 I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN,

NOT TO SAY THAT  AND YET HOPING

 THAT WE COULD HAVE TALKED IT OVER -

 INSTEAD OF THIS

 AGAIN TO WAKE UP-

 WITH FLOWERS IN A VASE,

BY THE BED

 WHERE I CRAWLED TO AFTER HE PASSED OUT.

Thu, May 11th - 8:47AM

whats the point of coming back

 he doesnt really care,

  just comes in and does a look

he's a doctor and  - has to be there..

he asks- if'' its hurting

 how have your meals been?......

 how can he be so unfeeling?

i need help  in here.!

 he gives to so many others, 

but has  nothing to sooth my  pain?

 isnt there something that he can do ,

to show me that he still may care?

perhaps a touch when asked for 

 when  i try  to move

 from chair to window ledge..

 but cant he even hold my arm

as i try to stumble there??

to see my grandchild maybe

-perhaps a glimpse... or two..

as she waits in the car with her mother..,

not knowing  i what i am to  you.

 .now the holiday is fast approaching.

his duty is almost done,

 he came to see his mother

 and now his time thru..

 back to the kids and wifey,

 they soon will take a trip.

 and forget about all the smells and crys

where he saw his mother last... 

Wed, May 10th - 6:37AM

it ozzes out of me so sad and alful feeling

that i can hardly stand to take a breath,

 the wrong thats done to someone who needs only comfort and love to cheer

 but where is it?

 why does it not  come this way to me?

 its not fair!! i cry to walls

who have no ears to hear-

me sobbing  when the lights are off

 and all have gone to sleep.

 where is the peace that comes to one who only seeks relief?

'' the pain is too much this time,'' i scream,

''i cannot bear it more!!''

then lights come on and they ask me'' why

 dont you sleep some  more''...?

... they dont care that im awake-

 in agony so deep.

 they dont mind that the bed is wet

with my tears and choking grief.

just as long as i dont disturb

 the  schedule they have to keep.

Tue, May 9th - 5:22AM

nursing home

as i sit in this chair

 and look out over the growing grass

 that stains their hands when they try and pull out the weeds,

and then they look over at my window and see me sitting there

  all alone with my cup of tea thats already grown too cold to drink,

 yet when will another come -? i think...

 so i just wait and watch for them 

 to come and take me home again,

 maybe someday they will remember me,

 and i wont be like a weed

 that needs to be pulled and tossed away,

 but im afraid that  this is the day

 they wont come.

 again...

Tue, May 9th - 4:31AM

too many broken promises.

 too many hurtful lies.

 when will it stop 

when will it end

 when will the past go by?

 and trouble me no further

 for i am weak yet-   still,

 the heart that used to beat so fast

when you would come so near

 is now not loud and pounding,

 it shows its hateful side

 of still being there again today

 and keeping me alive.

Mon, May 8th - 7:05AM

are you lonely anyone?

 ARE YOU LONELY ALSO

 OUT THERE AMONG THE ONES,

 WHO PAST YOU BY AND

 SPEAK WHILE THEY ARE

NOT REALLY CARING WHY,

 YOU ARE SO NUMB AND EMPTY

and no one seems to mind

if you will live or  turn to dust

 or continue to stand there..

.waiting.

 for someone to care...

Fri, May 5th - 6:45AM

empty and hollow and quite

 in here ,

with only the sound

 of breathing dogs and clocks that chime.

 and clouds outside that awaken the day

with muffled pillow sounding noises

 that move the birds from  tree to tree

 looking for a place to hide

from  the fat ,big ,wet drops

that will glisten their wings ...