Mon, Jun 19th - 1:24PM

The Lord Speaks!

Through His True Word, we shall reveal the evil and the righteous will always prevail!

The Power of God's Grace in Our Lives -

When God raised up his servant,
he sent him first to you to bless
you by turning each of you from your wicked ways.

Acts 3:26 NIV

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Then you will remember your evil ways and wicked deeds, and you will loathe yourselves for your sins and detestable practices.

Ezekiel 36:31 NIV

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"And I will pour out on the house of David
and the inhabitants of Jerusalem
a spirit of grace and supplication.

They will look on me, the one they have pierced,
and they will mourn for him as one
mourns for an only child,
and grieve bitterly for him
as one grieves for a firstborn son."

Zechariah 12:10 NIV

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Thanks be unto God for His wonderful gift:
Jesus Christ, the only begotten Son of God
is the object of our faith; the only faith
that saves is faith in Him.

Mon, Jun 12th - 2:12AM

Psalms, Prayers and God's Gifts

Psalm 30

1 I will exalt you, O LORD,
       for you lifted me out of the depths
       and did not let my enemies gloat over me.

 2 O LORD my God, I called to you for help
       and you healed me.

 3 O LORD, you brought me up from the grave ^[b] ;
       you spared me from going down into the pit.

 4 Sing to the LORD, you saints of his;
       praise his holy name.

 5 For his anger lasts only a moment,
       but his favor lasts a lifetime;
       weeping may remain for a night,
       but rejoicing comes in the morning.

 6 When I felt secure, I said,
       "I will never be shaken."

 7 O LORD, when you favored me,
       you made my mountain ^[c] stand firm;
       but when you hid your face,
       I was dismayed.

 8 To you, O LORD, I called;
       to the Lord I cried for mercy:

 9 "What gain is there in my destruction,                                                         in my going down into the pit?
       Will the dust praise you?
       Will it proclaim your faithfulness?

 10 Hear, O LORD, and be merciful to me;
       O LORD, be my help."

 11 You turned my wailing into dancing;
       you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy,

 12 that my heart may sing to you and not be silent.
       O LORD my God, I will give you thanks forever.

My husband arrived home last night from work, somewhere between 10:30 and 11:30 PM. His charter trip, for the most part was uneventful and God's blessings were upon his travel. He got a sizeable tip as well, which is a blessing for us. Praise God.

Tomorrow begins summer school for my youngest two, which is a blessing, but can also be a hinderance for my severely autistic daughter. She has been dealing poorly to the change in routine, which was expected but has taken about a week of adjustment for both of us. Tonight, she only came up for a moment and I am just waiting for a few minutes to make sure she is settled before I head off to bed myself.

After this week, her routine change should no longer be an issue and we both will get some much-needed rest.

God gave me a gift of feeling things, a very long time ago. I could tell if something was wrong, but was much better at knowing what it was when I was younger. As I grew older with much more responsibility, and then had children of my own as well, my gift of empathy and feeling things that are not right became harder for me to interpret. I think the innocence of children is such a blessing, for you don't have so many questions and can hear God's Word so much more clearly. The hustle and bustle of every day life makes it hard to differentiate the feelings as someone in your personal life, or having to do with someone around you.

It is hard right now, knowing something is wrong, knowing who it is and being unable to know EXACTLY what that something is. Last week, it was my husband. I could feel his despair very heavily and prayed to God for guidance. I felt that, leaving it all in His Trusting Hands was the only thing I could do, as well as treading lightly around my husband until the despair passed. As of today, it has, which makes the house a little less stressful and proves how faithful our Lord's Guidance is in our home.

All I have done is pray about the situation. I feel God telling me to do so, and I have been. All will be revealed, in His Time. God has not taken the feeling away, after my praying to remove it if it was not from Him. It has only increased in the past few hours, and I am so heavily in need to pray as an intercessor that, once my daughter settles, I will go outdoors and do so before bed.

God sorts out the weeds from the flowers in our life. I have found this true, even when the weeds were people I loved and thought loved me. He has stayed faithful in keeping those that truly do love you in my life, and for that, I am truly grateful. There are few left in my life that I love and fully trust, but God left them there in my life for a reason. Two of my lifelong friends are still in touch, even in their distance from me (and the chance that I will never see them again in this lifetime), and a few online friends that were revealed as true sisters and brothers in Christ--their words that were spoken came directly from their heart from God. The others withered away like the seed, planted on the rock without any place for the roots to be prosper and spread. Although I know that their part in my life had some influence in how I am today, I know that God removed them for a reason. He is forever faithful!

I was always a part of a large group, from my younger years until adulthood. When I was young, we had 18 or so kids in our group that we "hung around" with. As of today, I don't know where most of them are. Some are in jail, after committing many violent crimes, while others kind of fell into the ways of our inner city evil and live a life without Jesus in their slum apartments or dark alleys.

In my young adulthood, I was in a group of about 12 from high school. We went and did everything together, which, for the most part wasn't for the good. From that group, God weeded out all but 3 and we stayed friends for many years, up through our married lives and the births of our children. The others are all over the country in different places; some good and some bad.

As I grew older, God weeded out my life again, and I lost one but gained a new flower instead. The weed, last I knew was having an affair and was living a life of convenience with her husband; both of which wanted nothing to do with the other. It was a marriage of money, as well as a duty to children. There was no love left at all.

Today, God has added many new, and weeded out only a few. Most of those were internet friends--or so called friends, whom I have not heard from for years now. He added fresh faces and renewed old relationships of friendship. The ones that from Him, I know for sure. They are the ones that I truly love and return that love, many times over. The others took love, but did not mean it when they said they loved back.

God's Garden is unique with all of us. Each of us is blessed by the flowers that return, year after year, and the weeds are removed that contaminate the crop. It doesn't make sense when the hurt is strong and those weeds are missing. Some weeds can seem like flowers, only to choke out the true flowers that aret the main part of the garden. It is the imposters that God takes care of when our own judgment for the outside beauty blinds us from the problems that their roots don't show on the inside.

I am off to prayer and then, off to bed. Please know that you're all in my prayers.

In God's Precious Love,

Kelly

Wed, Jun 7th - 8:48PM

My husband has been working very stressful hours in the charter bus company. He is going through a depression, which has kept me in prayer over him for the past few days. I know that it is the change in hours, as well as the money that it pays. Because our cost of living is so much lower than back east, the payscale here is also as low. I can't seem to get him to understand that, after he went from 27.00 per hour to 10.00 per hour. The schedule is tough, and he did have a specified route back home. The changes he has gone through, right down to losing his ocean (that he grew up with in the summer time) and mountain loss has taken a toll on his demeaner.

I have spent 3 nights of staying up until sunrise, making candles. I have so many made now that I can stop and start with the soaps. I am just waiting for my two-tone candles to cool, and I start with the molds. Then, I am done. I so want to help out financially. I have worked since I was 10, and then had a "full time" (after school and Saturdays) job at 12 in a local variety store. I went to "legal" working at 16 and worked sometimes 2 or 3 jobs. Working in my own business the past 12 years has also spoiled me to the point of wanting to be self-employed.

When we moved to Kansas, it was a tough adjustment. The schools had much more intense (which is good) special needs programs, and it took a long time to settle in after 42 years in Massachusetts. I was a single mom with 5 kids, and taking care of a 5 bedroom house by myself. There was no way I could work outside of the home. My children weren't old enough to leave alone and, because of the special needs issues, I had to be close by for all the many meetings that were part of the IEP process.

Not too many employers will let you be off, a few hours every day and then for a full day, once a month.

God provided well, but I felt as if I wasn't contributing to the household. Although I have always been a stay at home mom, I also worked from home and made a good income that paid our bills. Tom's income, before his lay off paid for the "added" things, like food and things the kids needed. When he was laid off and had to take a lower paying job, my income had to be increased, so I took on more work. It didn't bother me, since I had always worked and felt as if I was really contributing to the household. Although the job went 7 days a week, 364 days a year, 18 hours a day (I took Christmas off), I didn't mind. I could work my own schedule and still take care of the house and the kids.

That all changed when I moved here. For the first time in my life (if you include the chores I started with at age 5 at home), I didn't work. I never considered being a mother and homemaker a job at that time. It was more of an instinct and something that was just meant to be.

Boy, was I wrong. It is the toughest job you will ever love. Sorry, Marines--I beat ya on that one.

It wasn't until the kids all went to school full time that I felt a yearning to work again. I knew I wanted to be home and self employed, but our area doesn't outsource to this country (India and Pakistan seem to be their choice), so I had to find a whole new career. I had done computers since I was 16, and even fell for a few of those WORK AT HOME scams on the web--promising me work, only to charge me money and then give me dead addresses to places that no longer existed.

I still felt I had to wait on God for the right opportunity, and not panic. I knew He would provide. Granted, at times that provision came from churches or friends but He did provide and that is all that mattered. It was tough, but we just kept faith in Him and because of that, things came to us that seemed impossible in human conditions. It was definitely Divine Intervention--there is no other explanation, Praise Jesus.

God has led me to this business, which I love doing. It just takes a lot of hours that I am getting older and not accustomed to. This job can be dangerous, due to my autistic children being around and the wax/soap being too hot if spilled or poured on them by accident if they grab for the pot. I have to start at 10 PM, by the time I prepare all the organization things first and I end at around 5 am.

I know God has provided this because it is the right time, and He knows that Tom is tired and overworked at times (he works 2 jobs, all different hours). Yet, Tom's faith is not as mine is, and it is bringing him to a state of depression where I have to put the logic of how blessed we are into each equation, as he complains about the hours.

God is faithful and this hard work of his will pay off, if Tom focuses on God's Will for our lives.

I was out watching God's beauty of a sunrise at 5 AM. I just sat there and watched the cardinals, bluebirds and hummingbirds wake up and come down to our feeders. I watched as the sky went from a two tone, dark blue/bright orange color and then to a full blue sky. God's nature is such a beautiful thing and to be part of watching it come about is such a blessing. Each day is a miracle.

At 6 AM I was trimming these wild bushes that the previous owner planted. Let's just say, I am sure my neighbor's were not pleased but I had the energy..So I went for it.

Keeping up this pace for both of us, Tom and I, is not easy. I am taking care of the kids, inside the house, outside the house and doing my business. Sleep isn't part of that equation. Tom is doing the same, and not awake very long. He falls asleep as soon as he gets here, preparing for the hours of the next day of work, which can be anywhere from 5 hours, to a week-long tour trip.

Yet, I know that the blessings from this hard work, as long as we keep focusing on God will pay off. I know that, in business you don't break even for a while. It took 2 years for me to make my first dollar in my old business because of the costs of software, gas and working lower wages to gain more contracts. With this business, it will take less time, but it won't pay for what went into it for at least 6 months. I guess I could look at all that and say, "This is too much". Yet, God gave it to us with all His Grace and Tender Mercies. How can I complain when I know that, in time it will be seen as blessing, not a burden.

It is giving my husband the same faith incentive that is tough. He didn't grow up with that type of faith, and this is all new to him.

It is time to pour the wax, so I guess I had better get to work. I am trying to take tonight off so I can drive him to the bus company in the morning, in order to have the car for the next 3 days.

Always look up. Take some time out of a busy life to notice the miracles that God provides us every day-from sunrises, to your family, to sunsets, to the beauty of a passing storm and the freshness that arrives in the air afterwards.

God Bless and You are in my prayers,

Kelly

Tue, Jun 6th - 3:56PM

Encouragement and Prayer

I have been active in our church's intercessory prayer evening for a while now. I feel so led by the Holy Spirit when I pray and have actually found myself able to pray aloud and with all His power behind me as I do so. Growing up Catholic, such types of praying were unheard of, since prayer was always silent and being Evangelical, as well as Charismatic was not part of the church in my "time frame". (Okay, so I am old).

Because we have gone to one car, getting to many night time events has not been easy. Tom working a job that requires different hours every week has taken the use of the car away at night, and sometimes for a full weekend. I accept this as God's Will, for I was a "Yuppie" for many years, and I feel God is truly showing me how to do without, as well as being blessed for what I do have. I have not asked the Lord for a car, for I don't feel I should. He knows what is best for me, and He will provide when the time is right and the plan He has for my life is in place. I feel, right now, I am going through a whole rebirthing process, letting ALL the old parts of my life die and the new ones being reborn.

Trials, as hard as they are, can be a blessing if you believe in Him.

I haven't been able to attend Intercessor Prayer Night at the church for 2 weeks, and have been outside in God's Nature, praying with the Holy Spirit alone, but without agreement of my fellow sisters and brothers at the church. I wrote to the head of our prayer night last night, explaining that, I have not been avoiding church, but have been unable to attend due to the distance from my house (it is a 25 minute drive from here), and not having a way to get there.

I received the most lovely reply back from this man, who I call my friend as well as my brother. He told me that, I would be the prayer request administrator from now on, which I feel is such an honor to be led in that direction. He also told me that, I was such a blessing at the prayer night, and they could feel the power of the Holy Spirit and my devotion and faith in God has encouraged the whole church.

This made me feel so good. No other church, ever in my life has treated me as family. I was a wallet for a long time in one, and I was just another part of the congregation in the other. This is the first time in my life that I have felt a church as being my family. This is the first time, ever that I have felt "a blessing" to anyone.

God works in mysterious ways. Praise Him!

I am making candles right now, and waiting for this batch to cool before I start the next. However, I felt the need to share this. I know that many have not found that church where they can call HOME, and I just wanted to write and say, "Don't give up! Keep searching"! It took me 42 years to truly see how churches are different, and God moved me 1400 miles from my home to show me this. I now know that, that church IS out there, but you have to wait on God to lead you to it. Don't get discouraged. If you go to one church and don't feel comfortable or like part of the family there, go to another.

Praise Jesus for all He does in our lives. Each day is a blessing. You just have to open your eyes and heart to Him to see that blessing.

God Bless you all and you are in my prayers,

Kelly

Sat, Jun 3rd - 7:44PM

Talking it out

I try talking about things to others here in my local life, but I think it is hard to get inside anyone else's heart unless you can feel it yourself.

I am hurting. I don't understand a lot of things. I don't understand how people can not like you when they have never met you. I don't understand the human race at all. It is amazing that God hasn't sent Jesus back yet. It is dismaying to know that, if God doesn't think the earth is that bad now, how much worse it will get before Jesus returns.

So much has changed. So much will never be the same again. Kids everywhere are hurting. Parents are hurting because their children are hurting. The wrong are inprisoned and the the ones that belong there are out, offending over and over. Murder, kidnapping, theft--everthing that God made as being against His law is now part of our evening news, as if it belongs there--everything is so wrong. The world feels like such a mess right now. It is a sad place indeed.

My tears fall constantly, yet it makes some people happy to see the pain I feel. I have been called many things from people that have never met me, or lived here in the past few years. I know Jesus understands, for He was persecuted even worse in more horrid ways. This is why I cry out to Him every night, tears rolling down my face as I talk about my confusion, the pain inflicted on others and the judgment and misunderstanding that is received from people that do not know a person's home,  lives or how much we love God. Our love for God is even mocked. I have heard my own neighbors say this because they don't like another neighbor's choice in yard statuary! It is ridiculous.

Someone doesn't have to be in my blood line for me to love them. I have loved many. I am pretty sure they have loved me. I have also hated. For this, I have asked God to forgive me and given my sins to Jesus at the foot of the cross.

I have seen the same part of myself in my children. My oldest daughter will give anything to anyone that she doesn't even know. She will volunteer to help a group of children that she has never met, or paint a house for poor people that she will never see again. I see her pain when she loses someone she loves, and I know that, many don't understand it at all. Unfortunately, I do for, when we love someone it is forever. No matter how much you are told to "get on with your life and forget", some of us just can't lose love that easily.

My boys are the same way. Right now, we have children in my home that are, what are regarded by some of society as, "not normal children". While my boys watch one show in the lounge, they have given the other boys the gaming machine and some games to play that they don't have in their own homes. Although I seem to have adopted another child, for he is here more than he is home, it doesn't bother me. That is just the way we are. Our home is everyone's home and our love is unconditional. You don't have to return that love for us to give it.

But sometimes, that unconditional love hurts more than any sword could feel when pierced into our hearts.

Although Taylor is autistic, I have seen her go over and comfort a crying child she doesn't know, even though autism mostly comes with no empathy in her severity. I have seen her give things to other children, which her "disability" usually doesn't allow her to want or to do.

Colin would give anyone, anything. He will hug a perfect stranger and take the hand of any person that comes into our home. He is not shy at all, and goes over to every person that comes in here as if they were here all along. He has Aspergers, which is a high functioning autism, but usually lacks any empathy at all. He is the exact opposite in that area--He is always happy, always sharing and loves to snuggle.

My husband came from a home where this type of love was only shared with relatives. He barely knew his father, due to all the hours his father worked so they could live a very wealthy life. He had no male role model, in reality. His mother, overprotective and judgmental on what capabilities he had in life, kept him from doing many things that we all take for granted. Instead, he lived a life of seclusion with the most material wealth you can imagine. Yet, it is hard for him to understand true love, although he tries very hard to do so. He is quiet and will hold his feelings in contempt. Yet, I have seen him openly cry when raw emotion comes through, since it is allowed here in this house and wasn't while he was growing up.

I have friends that are bitter about all that life has given them to bear. I say life because, they don't believe in God. Yet, I don't understand bitterness because I don't feel it. Oh, I did at one time when I lived in a dark hole after finding my mother dead and then losing my son. I am just thankful that Jesus never left me during that time and has also taken away any bitterness I might have towards anyone.

The funny thing is that, the ones that don't like me--I hold no ill feelings towards them at all. As a matter of fact, I would have loved to meet them and share time with them as friends. I know that will never happen and that hurts as well.

I am blessed because there are so few that I can say are my "enemies". Mostly, I have good people around me and lots of love shown my way. When I am asked to give up my love for someone, however, I can't do it. When I love, it is there forever. It can't be erased no matter how hard someone tries to make me do so.

I am talking in riddles but it is the way it must be done. If I show the tears to my children right now--the ones that are streaming down my face as I write this--they will only be upset with me and they are far too happy for me to do that to them. Although we have openly cried together, I can't tell them right now why I am hurting and why I cry. After all, adults take things differently than children in most cases. They are enjoying the company of others as well as each other. I don't want them to be distracted from what I never had, myself as a child. I want only the best for them.

I have asked God for signs on what I must do in all life's situations that apply to my daily routine and feelings, and each time He has been faithful in showing them to me. They are not coincidences, even though non-believers would say this is so. Each message has been exact and directly in relation to how I pray. I can't ignore those signs for they are too strong and focused directly on the prayer as I say it.

Yet, the confusion of all that goes on in daily life is weighing heavily on my heart. I know God will get me through, as He always has. He gave these emotions to me, and they are there for a reason that only He can explain.

Jesus understands and it is there that I take refuge--in His loving arms.

God Bless,

Kelly