Thu, Dec 28th - 6:54AM

Following is a brief excerpt from a newsletter I receive monthly from William Cawman, a prison chaplain in the State of New Jersey.  The full letter is quite a bit longer and describes some exciting things happening in the facilities in which brother Cawman ministers amid the unrest and violence in these places.  God is working there and everywhere in this last hour to bring His many sheep back into the heavenly fold.  The journey to His kingdom is markedly different for each traveler, but essentially the same for them all as they gain a clear vision of who their Redeemer is and how great is the magnitude of His salvation on their behalf.  I'd be happy to share the remainder of this newsletter with anyone who is interested.

Prison News Letter

Matthew 25:34-40

January 1, 2007

Dear Praying Friends, 

            Another year has slipped into history, never to return to us again.  Multitudes have slipped out into eternity with not one trace of the Blood applied to their hearts.  Some of these have been men who took their last breath right here in our prison hospital.  But thank God, a few have made, even in a final hour, a choice to have their sins all covered by the Blood, and are in heaven as this year closes.  One of these men was such a blessing to those who sat with him day after day.  The inmate whose job it was to sit by his bedside told me that he consciously grew in grace being with this man and ministering to him.  And I’m sure it  was mutual for he also ministered to the dying man and they had such sweet times of the presence of the Lord as they studied the Word and sang together.  Can you even faintly imagine the following contrast: from a little block wall cell about 10 feet by 12 feet, with a narrow window that simply looks upon more of the prison compound—and then to suddenly step onto the streets of heaven, made of transparent gold?  Can you think of how a cold blue steel door could suddenly give place to gates of costly gems?  Can you imagine the exchange of a little sink, which is also the tank of your toilet, for the river of life, flowing through the kingdom of God?  Can you think of your ears suddenly leaving curses and smut, and hearing for the first time that host that no man can number singing, Thou art worthy?  Can you imagine suddenly passing from looking day after day at a fellow inmate in kaki to seeing the lovely face of Jesus?  Well, some did this year—all because God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son…and because you prayed for them.  Thank you!  In the name of Jesus.

Sat, Dec 9th - 10:56AM

Thanks!

The words you all posted to my last log are very precious to me!  I want to thank you for being my friends in Christ!

Michael

Fri, Dec 8th - 11:56AM

Thoughts of a Home-bound sickling

Prisoner of Grace; Prisoner of Hope; Prisoner of the Lord Jesus Christ

Be not thou therefore ashamed of the testimony of our Lord, nor of me his prisoner: but be thou partaker of the afflictions of the gospel according to the power of God…2Tim. 1:8

          Lest by the title I have given to this writing it might be perceived that the writer is attempting to portray himself in a vainglorious manner, as one being persecuted for the cause of Christ, I want, from the outset to set that straight.  My purpose here is to reflect upon the particular place in the journey to which I have now come, and ponder it before my readers, nothing more.  Where is this place of pause in my hike up the pilgrim trail that leads to my heavenly destination?  It’s just a little wide spot in the narrow path where I have found a log on which to rest and reflect, as others approach, come nigh and pass me on their upward climb.  The pilgrim described by Bunyan centuries ago in his allegory of the Christian journey came to several junctures as this that I am now experiencing.  Though he described them so adeptly, and was able to hold, with fascination the attention of his readers, including myself, He was unable to adequately convey to me, until now the full weight of these wondrous and yet terrible experiences.  I say “wondrous,” because I am truly filled with wonder at all I am now undergoing, and at the same time “terrible” because there is a certain intense fearfulness about me, like a man walking on a steep ledge. 

          But more than anything, the feeling of helplessness, perhaps even of fatalism has hovered over me, though I must admit also a great peace has, and continues to hold me as I’ve trudged along on this pilgrim road of late.  It is this feeling of helplessness, and of loneliness, the very same feeling I experienced when I initially encountered the judicial system and was so enlarged in my mind as I was later drawn into it’s funnel toward the prison system that was my home for nearly six years.  Again, I must disclaim any likeness to the apostle quoted above, at least in the matter of guilt for my imprisonment.  Nevertheless, I’m seeing in it all at this stage of the journey, that the “afflictions of the gospel” and the various sufferings a true disciple must undergo, whether through his own faulty doings, or the providentially directed errors of others, are a lot shared by all who belong to Christ and who “would live godly” in Him.  If this, so far seems to make sense, then, by all means, dear reader follow along with me in my thought here. 

          I’m in a state of utter perplexity, not hopeless frustration, as I have complained to the Lord recently, but just helpless perplexity.  I sense that this is good in the sight of a faithful and caring God, who needs and requires the full abandonment of His child in order to bring him into the realm of blessed help and sustenance promised in the gospel, a state so rarely apprehended by its hearers.  I’m in a place where I don’t seem to be able to move forward, or withdraw backwards.  To go laterally to the left or to the right is equally difficult, or impossible.  In short, I’m stuck!  It’s just exactly like being back in that 8’ by 11’ cell that was my home for so long in the Department of Corrections.  Yet, ostensibly I have freedom to move. I can get up out of this chair, dress myself, walk down to my truck and drive to the beautiful country just south and west of here, or I can go to the store and buy just about anything my appetite might crave.  Maybe I’ve discovered a new phobia, “Post-Traumatic Incarceration Syndrome.”  I’m sure there’ll be little sympathy for its sufferers, even the so-called “bleeding-heart liberals” that are coming back into power in our society.

          Joking aside, it’s a strange place I’m in and at right now.  Let me try to describe it.  I’m restless and want to do so much, and yet am restrained on every hand.  I intensely desire to minister, to teach, to instruct others in the way of righteousness, to preach and to proclaim the glory and grace of the gospel to those in need of its cleansing and converting power.  Yet I find myself sitting, like an unread book, as it were on the back shelf of a forgotten room in an antiquated and unused library.  The wings of my fragile human soul are flapping and fluttering like those of fledgling bird somehow condemned by nature never to fly.  Also, I want to succeed in my business and thrive, not just survive.  And, finally I greatly desire a companion at my side to share life’s joys and difficulties with at this time.  But the limits placed upon me by my God, through those who know and love me, as well as by those who don’t know me and seem to misunderstand me, and by the sheer circumstances of a cold, ruthless world are very real right now.  I think I have so much to say, but nobody seems to want to listen, so much to do, but find no help in doing it.  Yet my friends continue in kind love, respect and deference to me in many obvious ways, and my enemies refrain their growling and keep their distance by the staying hand of Him who watches me.  But what about all my hopes and dreams and aspirations and “needs?”  I need not even attempt an answer to such a childish question.  Jesus is my “All in all,” isn’t He?  “Well, ‘yeahbut’…”  I used to reprove my kids for their “yeahbuts,” but am finding a few of my own that still linger in the wings of my parlor.

          O Lord, thank you for teaching me the meaning of your words spoken long ago when you walked this earth! 

Verily, verily, I say unto you, Except a corn of wheat fall into the ground and die, it abideth alone: but if it die, it bringeth forth much fruit.  He that loveth his life shall lose it; and he that hateth his life in this world shall keep it unto life eternal.  If any man serve me, let him follow me; and where I am, there shall also my servant be: if any man serve me, him will [my] Father honour.  Jn. 12:24-26

Dear Jesus, help me to accept and, even to understand your will and good purposes for me at this latter portion of my time here!  And if, somehow you see fit to grant these unproven requests, if my life can count in a way greater than I see from this dark cell of death before I pass into eternity, so may it all be to your honor, Thou  who knowest and designest all for my good thy glory!  Amen.

Tue, Dec 5th - 6:05PM

Delayed Answer to Prayer Request

        I want to report to you all who read my last post and have been praying that I gain entry to the prison facility here in Colorado, that I finally spoke with the warden this morning.  I was a little  embarrassed because of my raspy voice due to the cold/flu symptoms I have.  But he was very gracious and assured me that he would be objective in making his decision on whether or not to allow me to re-enter his facility as a volunteer.  I later wrote him an e-letter letting him know that I would accept whatever his decision was, as from  God, and not attempt to go beyond him in the chain of authority.  I came to this decision because of his courteous disposition toward me in our communications.  If, in fact he does allow me to enter his prison I will take that as the opening of an effectual door of service to Christ.  I believe the Lord is testing me in this situation.  He knows my desire to preach and teach the Gospel and to reach those in need of His truth.  The warden told me that he would attempt to come to a decision within the next couple of weeks.  If any are inclined, and burdened by the Spirit to pray, please ask that the Lord would move upon this man's heart to let me in there to minister.  I would greatly appreciate this!

     I'm also posting a portion of a letter I just wrote to a friend with whom I was locked up  a number of years ago here in Colorado, who is now incarcerated in another state. I want to share it here because I believe you all need to know what many of us who have been through the penal system are going through.  I certainly don't do this to gain pity or sympathy for us or our cause, just to inform you of our condition.  In the letter I mention his need to see a specialist.  That is for some very severe symptoms that appear to be a viral infection similar to hepatitis-C or AIDS.  All prison inmates are tested for AIDS upon entry into the system.  This  brother's wife and two girls are still here in Colorado Springs.

Tuesday, December, 5, 2006

May the Grace, Mercy and Peace of the Lord Jesus Christ be Yours Today!

Dear Nick,

          Kathie said you called her today and that you were feeling down...

          I spoke with the warden of Arkansas Valley Correctional Facility today.  He is reviewing my request to become a volunteer there.  I’ve been in the facility as a volunteer twice but he is new and his chief of security has turned me down twice.  Kathie urged me not to give up on the fight to get back in there to minister.  I was pretty discouraged when I was turned down, especially when the security chief stated that I have an extensive criminal history.  My CBI arrest record shows one misdemeanor arrest in 1985, with no conviction, and two arrests in 1992-3, both for the offenses I was prosecuted and sent to prison for.  Does that sound like an extensive criminal history to you?  I need to fight this because society, or certain elements in society want to portray me in a certain negative way that is absolutely false.  For me to give in to this portrayal is not good for me or for others similarly treated.  It’s a mental and spiritual battle that can only be fought and won with the Lord’s help.  Please pray for me as I do for you in your battle!

                  I’ve been fighting discouragement and depression myself.  It is a battle to keep my focus on God and the sureness of His love and good purposes for my life.  When I look at outward circumstances they don’t look very promising in a number of ways.  The Lord is teaching me to build my hope in Him and not in the present reality before me.  He has made certain promises in Scripture and I have to constantly decide if I will believe those promises or believe what appears before my natural eyes.  The same holds for you, my brother.  You must do the same.  Find those promises in the Bible for yourself and cling to them, no matter what happens.  It’s the only way we will win this war.  Yes, it was our mistakes and moral failings that give us responsibility for the circumstances we are each in right now.  But, foreseeing a good and purposeful outcome that would bring Him glory, He allowed it all to happen.  God is loving and merciful.

He’s not mocking us, but giving us a chance to prove His faithfulness and His ability to instill faith and trust in us.  This is where the real victory lies.  If we will just commit it all to Him and truly let Him work His grace in us to change our hearts, then the principalities opposed to Christ will be defeated and God will surely manifest some outward sign of success for us as His seal of approval upon His servants.  We’re in a war, my friend, and we need to be faithful and obedient soldiers under the leadership of our Commanding General!

          I have been praying for you, and will continue to pray that God will strengthen your heart and build hope into it. I’ll pray that you will be able to get to see the specialist and that all the steps in your appeal process will succeed.  The Lord will not abandon you to your enemies.  He has a good end to all these things.  Keep your faith!

Michael

For we are saved by hope: but hope that is seen is not hope: for what a man seeth, why doth he yet hope for?

But if we hope for that we see not, [then] do we with patience wait for [it].  Rom.8:24,25

Sat, Dec 2nd - 9:50PM

Prayer Request

Back to Prison

     This may seem like a strange request for prayer, at first, but I need to go back to prison, and I'm finding it very difficult.  Tonight several members of my church are down at Arkansas Valley Correctional Facility for our annual Christmas service there.  But I'm sitting here in Colorado Springs, having been denied entry for this visit.  You wouldn't believe it can be so hard to get into an American prison, but it is, for me, anyway.  I spent nearly six years of my life in the custody of those nice people in the Colorado Department of Corrections, and it's not that they wouldn't like to see me again, but not necessarily under these circumstances.  Please forgive the sarcasm!  It's just very exasperating sometimes dealing with people in the power establishment.

     Well, I won't share all of the details of the struggle I've engaged in this past week in order to go with the folks back for this Christmas ministry that I was permitted to go on last year about this time.  That's why it doesn't make sense.  But the Lord has a plan in it.  I spoke with an official of the prison the other day, the officer in charge of security there and was unable to explain a few very simple things about my past record and former entry there while he was there.  If any of you reading this have ever been incarcerated you know the feeling of helplessness and frustration a man experiences while in the jaws of the judicial/penal system.  Being free now for just about eight years, I guess I'd forgotten and needed a little reminder.  So the Lord let me encounter this problem, which is really no problem for my God, though I often forget how big He really is.  So, to shorten the story and avoid raising my blood pressure while writing this and having the temptation to say things I might be sorry for later, I'll just say that the warden, who is reputed to be a very nice man, and even a Christian, did return my call to him yesterday and left a message for me to call him Monday afternoon.  I had written him a fairly long e-mail/letter and pled as gently as I could with him to re-consider letting me back in, if not for this visit, then later ones.  I even asked if I could possibly begin a regular Bible study there.  He said in the message that he had gotten my e-mail, so I must not have said anything too offensive for him to call back.  Praise God!

     It looks fairly hopeful, after a few days of discouragement and near depression.  I suppose I need to explain that there is a personal side to this.  I do greatly desire to address the spiritual need of those in the prison system, to give them an example of someone who has been through it and succeeded, by the grace of God.  The penal system is replete with humanistic, self-help programs, such as Alcholics Anonymous and other addictions recovery concepts.  While religious programs by outside voluteers are encouraged on the one hand, very little stock is put in them as a part of a viable means of change.  It's much like it is out here: Jesus is fine to make a lot of hoopla about in church on Sunday, but psychology and other worldly ideas are what many really put their trust in for the hard problems of life.  It's been and continues to be a constant fight with the flesh, but real power has come in my life to change.  That's what those men need to hear about and to see in me and others like me.  I don't think the Devil wants that to happen. 

     But when I say it's personal, I mean that I need to prove to the world that their negative view of me is absolutely false and unfounded.  It's probably hard for most of you to believe that there is a battle still going on with very strong forces in society that really want to destroy me and my credibility.  You don't just go through the system and pay for your crime and everybody's happy.  You have to live somewhere and work somewhere and find some meaning to your life beyond the survival that is hard enough after being away so long.  God is my help!  There are innumerable promises of provision and protection in Scripture, but they must be lain hold on and fought for.  That's what I'm doing and sometimes I get a little down.  But He's so faithful!  I hate to think of what it would be like without Him and the faith and hope He gives me.  I pitty those poor folk who don't have Christ as an ever-present companion in their lives.

  Well, please pray this Christian warden will soften his heart and let me do what God has asked me to do in his facility!  It says that "they overcame him (the Devil) by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony,  and that they loved not their lives unto the very end."  Rev. 12:11  It's a fight, dear friends!  Fight with me in this skirmish and I'll thank you for it when we reach the other side.

Michael

Fri, Dec 1st - 1:48AM

New Mexico Adventure

Will I Ever Grow Up?

     Well, I reckon I owe some of you a little report on my Thanksgiving trip to the reservation in New Mexico.  It was unquestionably an adventure, not on the scale of the early explorers, but action packed, nonetheless.  I got to fly in a small airplane owned by one of the missionaries down there on the very next morning after our arrival.  Scared me nearly to death when he let me take the wheel for a minute.  What a grand view of a truly "enchanted" land, as the advertising says.  Imagine being in a huge valley surrounded on three sides by high bluffs and cliffs, with hilly mesas and arroyos below, dotted with junipers and rocky, grassy hills and valleys.  Picture colors:  deep red cliffs, earth-colored houses clustered in remote settlements, called camps and inhabited by a people whose first, native language is not English, but Navajo.  See a simple folk, caught in a time lag between pre-history and contemporary pop culture, ravaged by idleness, alchohol, family break-down (complete with matriarchalism) and that good 'ol welfare dole from the U.S. government.  Look into the eyes of "Dine'" (pronounced: din.eh'), "the People," as they call themselves, and see the pain, and patience and hope of Jesus' sheep scattered on this high desert plain.  Listen to the stories of resevation lawlessness, roaming packs of wild wolves,  a black panther, and the demonized "skin-walkers," that supposedly creep about at night and slip into their houses.

     Sound like the kind of place you'd like to spend a holiday week-end?  Well, the Apaches have a couple of gambling casinos with fairly comfortable lodgings a little farther north.  There's more.  Let me tell you about the glories of the sunrises and sunsets, jackrabbits with ears as large as eagle feathers, the elk herds running in the higher hills, and the rattlers, which, thankfully I didn't encounter this late in the year.  Beauty and ughliness all blended in a way that makes a man sullen, and wide-eyed, like a child after a scary experience on carnival ride.  Contrasts, O the contrasts that one could run out of ink in attempting to describe.  Come with me, my friends to another world right here in our wonderful U.S.A!

     On the day before our scheduled departure, and by some unexpected occurrances I undertook to walk away from our mission, by that night having travelled some 25-30 miles 'cross country and ending at an Indian family's house, where I was fed and driven by car to the white man's city to the north.  The next day I proceeded to hitch-hike back to Colorado and was eventually picked up by the folks who took me down there.  We soon crashed into a ditch on the mountain side of the road in a snow storm on the Colorado side of the mountain pass we traversed on the way home.  A man in a large pick-up soon arrived to pull us out, and we completed our journey north (uneventfully) to the civilized city of Colorado Springs.  I wish the Devil had stayed here instead of pursuing us to our mission field.  But it seems he takes no vacations.  This all really happened folks, just a few days ago, though it sounds and seems like a dream.  But I miss it down there in that wild and rugged country!  I'd move there in a sparrow's heartbeat, if the Lord said to go.  I reckon there are a lot of if's in this life, and that's one I'm savoring now, dreamer that I am.

     For the time being, I'll just keep trying to get some winter work up here in "Evangelical Jerusalem," and blow smoke out my (proverbial) corn-cobb pipe while I tap on my computer keys at night.  O, there were a couple of fairly cute Indian ladies down there, but not in this pilgrim's destiny.  Praise God!  I'm alive and free from the Devil's grasp!  That's it, in a nut shell, folks.  Good night.