Wed, Nov 30th - 6:14AM
LAUGHTER DOES GOOD LIKE A MEDICINE!
Two gas company servicemen, a senior training supervisor and a young trainee, were out checking meters in a suburban neighborhood. They parked their truck the end of the alley and worked their way to the other end. At the last house, a woman looking out her kitchen window watched the two men as they checked her gas meter. Finishing the meter check, the senior supervisor challenged his younger co-worker to a foot race down the alley back to the truck to prove that an older guy could outrun a younger one. As they came running up to the truck, they realized the lady from that last house was huffing and puffing right behind them. They stopped and asked her what was wrong. Gasping for breath, she replied, "When I saw two men from the gas company running as hard as you two were, I figured I'd better run too!"
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Wed, Nov 30th - 6:04AM
THOUGHT FOR TODAY!
THOUGHT FOR TODAY: The central point of the kingdom of Jesus Christ is a personal relationship with Him, not public usefulness to others.* Oswald Chambers - My Utmost For His Hightest - October 19th. *Matthew 7:21 - 27 (NRSV) 21“Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only the one who does the will of my Father in heaven. 22On that day many will say to me, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and cast out demons in your name, and do many deeds of power in your name?’ 23Then I will declare to them, ‘I never knew you; go away from me, you evildoers.’ 24“Everyone then who hears these words of mine and acts on them will be like a wise man who built his house on rock. 25The rain fell, the floods came, and the winds blew and beat on that house, but it did not fall, because it had been founded on rock. 26And everyone who hears these words of mine and does not act on them will be like a foolish man who built his house on sand. 27The rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell—and great was its fall!”
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Tue, Nov 29th - 9:31AM
LAUGHTER DOES GOOD LIKE A MEDICINE!
The controller who was working a busy pattern told the 727 on downwind to make a three-sixty (to do a complete circle, usually to provide spacing between aircraft).
The pilot of the 727 complained, "Do you know It costs us two thousand dollars to make a three-sixty in this airplane?
Without missing a beat the controller replied, "Roger, give me four thousand dollars worth!"
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Tue, Nov 29th - 9:08AM
THOUGHT FOR TODAY!
THOUGHT FOR TODAY: "Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow."* -- Melody Beattie *"give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you." 1 Thessalonians 5:18 (NRSV) |
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Sun, Nov 27th - 8:42AM
LAUGHTER DOES GOOD LIKE A MEDICINE! GET TO WORK!
Our boss told us that she is planning a salary raise. One of the guys asked, "When does it become effective?" The boss answered, "As soon as you do."
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Sun, Nov 27th - 8:30AM
THOUGHT FOR TODAY!
THOUGHT FOR TODAY: "Preach the gospel at all times; when necessary, use words."* St. Francis of Assisi *19Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, 20and teaching them to obey everything that I have commanded you. And remember, I am with you always, to the end of the age.” Matthew 28:19 - 20 (NRSV)
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Sat, Nov 26th - 9:06AM
THOUGHT FOR TODAY!
| DON'T ROB GOD! "VENGEANCE IS MINE, I WILL REPAY," SAITH THE LORD!*
*19Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave room for the wrath of God; for it is written, "Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord." Romans 12:19 (NRSV)
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Sat, Nov 26th - 9:05AM
LAUGHTER DOES GOOD LIKE A MEDICINE!
A Texan farmer goes to Australia for a vacation. There he meets an Aussie farmer and gets talking. The Aussie shows off his big wheat field and the Texan says, "Oh! We have wheat fields that are at least twice as large". Then they walk around the ranch a little, and the Aussie shows off his herd of cattle. The Texan immediately says, " We have longhorns that are at least twice as large as your cows". The conversation has, meanwhile, almost died when the Texan sees a group of kangaroos hopping through the field. He asks, "And what are those"? The Aussie replies with an incredulous look, "Don't you have any grasshoppers in Texas"?
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Fri, Nov 25th - 9:01AM
LAUGHTER DOES GOOD LIKE A MEDICINE!
The teacher gave her fifth-grade class an assignment: get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories. Ashley said, "My father's a farmer, and we have a lot of egg-laying hens. One time we were taking our eggs to market in a basket on the front seat of the car when we hit a big bump in the road and all the eggs went flying and broke and made a mess." "What's the moral of the story?" asked the teacher. "Don't put all your eggs in one basket!" "Very good," said the teacher. Next little Sarah raised her hand and said, "Our family are farmers too. But we raise chickens for the meat market. We had a dozen eggs one time, but when they hatched we only got ten live chicks, and the moral to this story is, 'Don't count your chickens before they're hatched.'" "That was a fine story, Sarah. Michael, do you have a story to share?" "Yes, my daddy told me this story about my Aunt Karen. Aunt Karen was a flight engineer in the Gulf War and her plane was hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory, and all she had was a bottle of whiskey, a machine gun, and a machete. She drank the whiskey on the way down so it wouldn't break and then she landed right in the middle of a hundred enemy troops. She killed seventy of them with the machine gun until she ran out of bullets. Then she killed twenty more with the machete until the blade broke. Then she killed the last ten with her bare hands." "Good grief," said the horrified teacher, "what kind of moral did your daddy tell you from that horrible story?" "Stay away from Aunt Karen when she's been drinking!"
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Fri, Nov 25th - 8:46AM
THOUGHT FOR TODAY!
THOUGHT FOR TODAY: "It is better to fail in originality than to succeed in imitation."* - Herman Melville (1819 - 1891), Writer *27As many of you as were baptized into Christ have clothed yourselves with Christ. Galatians 3:27 (NRSV)
20and it is no longer I who live, but it is Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. Galatians 2:20 (NRSV)
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Thu, Nov 24th - 8:58AM
LAUGHTER DOES GOOD LIKIE A MEDICINE!
| A guy walking in the desert desperately needed a drink. As he followed the dunes, he came upon another man riding a camel. He asked the man if he had something to drink. The man on the camel said "No, but if you like, I have a nice selection of ties. Would you like to buy one?" "No!" The first man replied. "Are you crazy? I need something to drink, not a tie!" So the man on the camel rode on, and the walking man continued his slow and very thirsty trek for several days. Finally he came upon a cantina. He gratefully approached the doorman at the cantina and said, "I'm so glad I made it! Can I get in and get some water?" The doorman frowned at him. "Not without a tie." |
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Thu, Nov 24th - 8:40AM
THOUGHT FOR TODAY!
THOUGHT FOR TODAY! A servant girl, who was once asked how she knew she was a converted Christian, replied: 'Well, you see, I used to sweep the dust under the mat, but now I don't.' It is possible to visit somebody else as if Jesus Christ lived there, to type a letter as if Jesus Christ were going to read it, to serve a customer as if Jesus Christ had come shopping that day, and to nurse a patient as if Jesus Christ were in that hospital bed. It is possible to cook a meal as if we were Martha in the kitchen, and Jesus Christ were going to eat it.* JOHN STOTT *28just as the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life a ransom for many." Matt 20:28 40 And the King shall answer and say unto them, Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me. Matt 25:40
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Wed, Nov 23rd - 6:30AM
THOUGHT FOR TODAY!
"What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us."* -- Ralph Waldo Emerson
*"and it is no longer I who live, but it is Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me." Galatians 2:20 (NRSV)
"To them God chose to make known how great among the Gentiles are the riches of the glory of this mystery, which is Christ in you, the hope of glory." Colossians 1:27 (NRSV
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Wed, Nov 23rd - 6:28AM
LAUGHTER DOES GOOD LIKE A MEDICINE!
"Politicians who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end."
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Tue, Nov 22nd - 9:02AM
LAUGHTER DOES GOOD LIKE A MEDICINE!
As the crowded airliner is about to take off, the peace is shattered by a five-year-old boy who picks that moment to throw a wild temper tantrum. No matter what his frustrated, embarrassed mother does to try to calm him down, the boy continues to scream furiously and kick the seats around him.
Suddenly, from the rear of the plane, an elderly man in a Marine uniform is seen slowly walking forward up the aisle. Stopping the flustered mother with an upraised hand, the white-haired, courtly, soft-spoken Marine leans down and, motioning toward his chest, whispers something into the boy's ear. Instantly, the boy calms down, gently takes his mother's hand, and quietly fastens his seat belt. All the other passengers burst into spontaneous applause. As the Marine slowly makes his way back to his seat, one of the cabin attendants touches his sleeve. "Excuse me, sir," she asks quietly, "but could I ask you what magic words you used on that little boy?" The Marine smiles serenely and gently confides, "I showed him my pilot's wings, service stars, and battle ribbons, and explained that they entitle me to throw one passenger out the plane door on any flight I choose."
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Tue, Nov 22nd - 8:45AM
THOUGHT FOR TODAY!
THOUGHT FOR TODAY: In solitude we discover that our life is not a possession to be defended, but a gift to be shared.* -- Henri H. M. Nouwen *4Let each of you look not to your own interests, but to the interests of others. Philippians 2:4 (NRSV
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Mon, Nov 21st - 9:15AM
LAUGHTER DOES GOOD LIKE A MEDICINE!
"It is well documented that for every mile that you jog, you add one minute to your life which enables you at 85 years old to spend an additional 5 months in a nursing home at $5000 per month."
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Mon, Nov 21st - 9:05AM
THOUGHT FOR TODAY!
THOUGHT FOR TODAY! 'When we get freedom . Freedom is much misunderstood. Even those who talk loudest and
longest about freedom have not always paused first to define what
they are talking about. A notable example is the Marxist orator
who was waxing eloquent on the street corner about the freedom we
would all enjoy after the revolution. 'When we get freedom,' he
cried, 'you'll all be able to smoke cigars like that,' pointing
to an opulent gentleman walking by.
'I prefer my fag,' shouted a heckler.
'When we get freedom,' the Marxist continued, ignoring the
interruption and warming to his theme, 'you'll all be able to
drive in cars like that,' pointing to a sumptuous Mercedes which was driving by.
'I prefer my bike,' shouted the heckler.
And so the dialogue continued until the Marxist could bear his tormentor no longer. Turning on him, he said: 'When we get freedom, you'll do what you're told.'*
Galatians 5:13(CEV)
13My friends, you were chosen to be free. So don’t use your freedom as an excuse to do anything you want. Use it as an opportunity to serve each other with love.
1 Peter 2:16(CEV)
16You are free, but still you are God’s servants, and you must not use your freedom as an excuse for doing wrong. |
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Sun, Nov 20th - 8:52AM
LAUGHTER DOES GOOD LIKE A MEDICINE!
A wife asks her husband, "Honey, if I died, would you remarry?" "After a considerable period of grieving, I guess I would. We all need companionship." "If I died and you remarried," the wife asks, "would she live in this house?" "We've spent a lot of money getting this house just the way we want it. I'm not going to get rid of my house. I guess she would." "If I died and you remarried, and she lived in this house," the wife asks, "would she sleep in our bed?" "Well, the bed is brand new, and it cost us $2,000. It's going to last a long time, so I guess she would." "If I died and you remarried, and she lived in this house and slept in our bed, would she use my golf clubs?"... "Oh, no," the husband replies. "She's left-handed."
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Sun, Nov 20th - 8:41AM
THOUGHT FOR TODAY!
THOUGHT FOR TODAY: "Don‘t jump to conclusions. You might brake your nose!"* *"Whoever is slow to anger has great understanding, but one who has a hasty temper exalts folly." Proverbs 14:29 (NRSV) "Those who are hot-tempered stir up strife, but those who are slow to anger calm contention." Proverbs 15:18 (NRSV) "One who is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and one whose temper is controlled than one who captures a city." Proverbs 16:32 (NRSV) "rend your hearts and not your clothing. Return to the LORD, your God, for he is gracious and merciful, slow to anger, and abounding in steadfast love, and relents from punishing." Joel 2:13 (NRSV) "The LORD is slow to anger but great in power, and the LORD will by no means clear the guilty. His way is in whirlwind and storm, and the clouds are the dust of his feet." Nahum 1:3 (NRSV) "You must understand this, my beloved: let everyone be quick to listen, slow to speak, slow to anger;" James 1:19 (NRSV) |
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Sat, Nov 19th - 9:39AM
LAUGHTER DOES GOOD LIKE A MEDICINE!
"Actions speak louder then words, So believe what you see and forget what you heard."
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Sat, Nov 19th - 9:26AM
THOUGHT FOR TODAY!
A servant girl, who was once asked how she knew she was a converted Christian, replied: 'Well, you see, I used to sweep the dust under the mat, but now I don't.' It is possible to visit somebody else as if Jesus Christ lived there, to type a letter as if Jesus Christ were going to read it, to serve a customer as if Jesus Christ had come shopping that day, and to nurse a patient as if Jesus Christ were in that hospital bed. It is possible to cook a meal as if we were Martha in the kitchen, and Jesus Christ were going to eat it.* JOHN STOTT *just as the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life a ransom for many.” Matt 20:28 And the King shall answer and say unto them, Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me. Matt 25:40
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Fri, Nov 18th - 8:30AM
LAUGHTER DOES GOOD LIKE A MEDICINE!
A New York man was forced to take a day off from work to appear for a minor traffic summons. He grew increasingly restless as he waited hour after endless hour for his case to be heard.
When his name was called late in the afternoon, he stood before the judge, only to hear that court would be adjourned for the rest of the afternoon and he would have to return the next day.
"What for?!" he snapped at the judge.
His honor, equally irked by a tedious day and the sharp query, roared, "Twenty dollars for contempt of court - ten dollars for each word. That's why!"
Then, noticing the man checking his wallet, the judge relented. "That's all right. You don't have to pay now"
The young man replied, "I'm just seeing if I have enough for two more words."
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Fri, Nov 18th - 8:20AM
THOUGHT FOR TODAY!
THOUGHT FOR TODAY: A man has to live with himself, and he should see to it that he always has good company.* -Charles Evans Hughes, jurist (1862-1948) *"But the aim of such instruction is love that comes from a pure heart, a good conscience, and sincere faith." 1 Timothy 1:5 (NRSV) "Pray for us; we are sure that we have a clear conscience, desiring to act honorably in all things." Hebrews 13:18 (NRSV)
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Name: Doyle Purifoy
