Fri, Apr 6th - 8:33PM

After work Carrie and I went to half price book store and she bought me a new bible. We also went to some other stores and I really enjoyed the time we had together..it isnt very often that we get to spend time together except at work and when we do get the time together I cherish every moment. I do miss our alone times tho. I guess that's why alot of the times after work when we go somewhere that's the reason I get talkative. It's hard sometimes but I've been trying to really open up and just let my feelings out instead of keeping things bottled up the way i did before. I dont want anything to come in between carrie and I again and i know that if i cant talk and open up then those hurt feelings will build. I will say this, things are definately getting back to normal between us and that I am very grateful for. She means alot to me because of all that she has done for me and the love and friendship that she has given. I know there arent a whole lot of people that can get over the kind of hurt ive caused. I'm so thankful for her. and so grateful that she is part of my life. I truly dont know what i would do without her friendship. she is truly a gift from God, one that i continue to praise and thank him for daily.

God is really moving and I can feel His presence with me everywhere I go. Its hard not to look at the beauty of His creations all around and just know how majestic and wonderful He truly is. The grass is sooo green now. For the last couple of years we've had a really bad drought and hardly any rain. The lakes were so dry that under the bridges were so dry that you could walk across dry ground. But now we have been getting LOTS of rain and they are starting to fill up and the trees and grass are so beautiful.

I feel really good about myself right now. I actually took a step yesterday in the right direction by paying off the bank and restarting my bank account. I dont have much in there, but its a good feeling to know that I finally did something right.

I havent slept much today. Ive been restless and cant put my finger on the reason why. I know that I'll be taking my Bible to work tonight. I have one resident that I read to on the weekends when I'm working her hall and we have also started praying together..I love the residents..they need to be loved so much that it makes me just want to reach out and hug them and just give them all the love i can. there are a few there that i know probably wont be with us much longer. it breaks my heart but i also know that they have lived a long life. i feel such a responsibility to make sure they know about Jesus and His love. I want to help them make every day count.

Ive been talking to carrie about starting to go to the nursing home on my days off. Ive already committed to one of the residents that i would go and wash her hair. its sooooooooo long!!!! it takes almost an hour to get it washed and dried!!!!

Wed, Apr 4th - 3:41PM

A little bit more me

Its been almost a month since i moved back home and i still feel that overflowing sense of peace in my life. I know that Im back where I was supposed to be all along.

My friendship with Carrie is growing again. Things have changed though, although i happen to like the changes. I'm not so withdrawn and scared of losing her. I can come back with a come back or even get a little sarcastic at times, which is funny  because before I couldnt do that. It's like when i went to west virginia i got a little bit of attitude and brought it back with me.

Alot of it too is the fact that I know deep in my heart that I'm not going to lose Carrie. She's stood by me through everything I've ever put her through and she still loves me and is there for me. Knowing that with assurance has given me the ability to be a little bit more of myself without fearing.

I've been spending alot of time in prayer..and alot of time in my word. its like i have this hunger and just cant get enough...of course not being able to get enough of God is a good thing. Its a great feeling to wake up and be able to say "Good Morning Lord. I love you." and feel His presence all around me and just hear him say "Good morning my child, I love you too." Its an awesome experience and that's when you know that you have that personal relationship that you've always wanted...

Sun, Apr 1st - 9:05AM

Happy Days

The last couple of days have been really good ones. Work has been good, except for Friday night when one of my residents got out. Thank God he wasnt hurt, just a little wet and cold. He's one of our wanderers and he's so sweet it would have broken my heart had anything happened to him.

Tonight is my night off. Ive worked the last four nights and im worn out already. Last night tho really made things worth it. We have a new resident and I had gone out into the smoke room to check on her and she was talking about what had happened to her over the last few months. The thing that caught my attention was her telling me she had lost her bible. I take mine to work on the weekends so I went to the desk and cleaned mine out and took it to her. She's bi-polar, and she said that she read the Bible when she started to feel down. It really touched my heart to see her eyes light up the way they did, and then she almost started to cry, reaching out to  hug me at the same time. It really blessed me.

This morning we have church. I'm tired and a little grumpy, but after that blessing I'm fighting staying home. I know that if I put  God first, He's going to move. And that is what I have been longing for. To see Him move in a mighty way. Not only in my life but everyone's. He's so gracious and loving. There's nothing on this earth that i wouldnt do for Him....