Sat, Jan 28th - 8:49PM

Well, tonight has been a pretty quiet one. As I sit here thinking of something to write, Trish and Stacie are in their room doing a bible study, Carrie is playing her sims game and here I sit, biting my lip, trying to type out words that doesnt seem to want to come. It isn't that I don't have anything to write about, its that I seem to be at a standstill on writing, even though I know that its something I need to start doing again....

Church services have been awesome at our new church. I'm really enjoying feeling the presence of God, and it feels so much stronger when we're up on the platform praising with the choir. Even on Wednesday nights, when we are helping with the littler kids, you can feel the presence of God while seeing those little ones worshipping God from their little hearts.

Here at home, things are just as they always have been, every day is filled with love and lessons learned. Once again I am on the hunt for a house before Danny comes home in April. Its been decided that Trish will be moving in so that when he does come home I can feel more secure. There were four places that I called about in the paper, although I still havent gotten called back on any of them. I know that God is going to show me where HE wants me to be.

I got to talk to my kids both last night and this morning. It was soo good to hear their voices and hear them telling me they love me. I do miss them very much and Im praying for God to open the door so that I'll be able to go to see them and just be able to hold them in my arms.

I also talked with my dad this afternoon after I got off work. When I asked about mom tho, the news wasn't so good. It seems, according to the dr that the Huntington's is progressing faster then he anticipated. Once again they are talking of reinserting the feeding tube and according to dad, she is refusing to get out of her wheel chair and walk the way that she had been. It's hard to sit and listen to such a bad report, but I know in my heart that God has everything in control and I know that my mom is still serving God, even though she isnt in a very good mental state...

I'm so very blessed to have such a wonderful family here and spiritual support. It's nice to be able to sit down and talk with the sisters that God has placed in my life without fear of being judged or criticized. Its also good to know that they are here for me. I praise God for placing me here where I know I can feel his presence and love surround me at all times...God is sooooooo awesome!!!!

Tue, Jan 24th - 9:42PM

its so amazing to see all that God is doing..especially when just two months ago i couldnt see past all the hurt and loneliness i felt..when i decided that i was going to trust God to bring about the healing from depression..it was the best thing i could have ever done...

i went from crying all the time and hiding all the time to wanting to be around everyone that i love dearly...ive seen my relationship with God go to another level and my relationships with my sissies become stronger. and now im once again getting ready to move into my own place and this time i can do it knowing that i'll never be alone

Praise Jesus!!!!

Mon, Jan 23rd - 9:53PM

Sun, Jan 22nd - 3:21PM

awesome day!!!

This mornings service was AWESOME!!! It was our first time singing with the choir and the Spirit was just moving everywhere!!!! We got there early (first time for everything) and had to sit in the car and wait until someone got there with a key. Once we got inside, the nervousness really began to get to me. We practiced and I noticed that even when we first began and prayed the Spirit really moved. During praise and worship service I was just totally blown away by the heartfelt praise that was happening. It's been such a long time since I have been a part of something so awesome.

I'm so looking forward to tonights service..I'm really excited. After seeing and feeling the Spirit so strong this morning I can't help but be excited. God is really moving here and I'm just in awe of it all. I just cant get over how much things  have changed in my life over the past few weeks. I can feel myself growing more and more in the spirit. And I can feel myself getting closer to God. It's just amazing how He works. Praise the Lord God Almighty..He is forever faithful!!!!

Fri, Jan 20th - 7:42PM

The past couple of days have been a mix between good and bad. Wednesday was a good day, until that night.

I didn't have to be into work until 1:30 and worked until 4:30. After work, I came home and tried to relax a little. We got there somewhat late..not too late though and met with the pastor's daughter. We are both interested in teaching the little ones and just seeing them open their hearts to God. Needless to say Wednesday night was really awesome. The teachers in the class had the kids worshipping and praising. There was one little girl tho who really caught my eye. They were singing a slower song by Hillsong and she had her hands raised and eyes closed, swaying back and forth and just singing her little heart out..It was truly an awesome sight!!!!

After church we came home and we were sitting in the dining room when  Trish started yelling in the back door, HELP!!! Two of the puppies had gotten into a fight and were stuck because they wouldnt let go of each other's faces. I got bit myself trying to separate them. So that night, Trish and Stacie had Little Bit in their room in the kennel, i had chubby, prince and baby in my room and moses was left out in the living room.

Intending to get up bright and early the next day, I was surprised to wake up and it be 11 am. I had to be at work at 1:30 but yet i knew that i was to take the puppies to the SPCA. We didnt leave here until almost 1 and i got lost trying to find the place. once i did, they had trish and i carrie prince, baby and little bit back in the back and it broke my heart to see them howl and squirm because they were afraid of the other dogs. i cried most of the way home, dropped trish off at the house and went on to work. ( i didnt get there until 3).

stacie calls my cell phone about 4:30 and i accidentally snapped at her. but then carrie calls me with " I love you" and i had to fight the tears again. when i came home, Carrie met me coming through the living room asking "Do you need a hug"? One thing you gotta understand is she isnt a huggy person and for her to offer is something to cherish with all your heart. All I could do was nod my head yes. i honestly didnt want to let go, but then didnt want to make her cry either....

we went to our first choir practice and it went really well. he had us stand up on the podium and sing for him. then he placed us where we would be standing. its hard for me to stand and sing in front of a big group of people but its something i was called to do and i wont back down from my calling....we came home and my thoughts once again turned to the puppies. i tried playing my sims game and it did work for a while. but once i got bored with the game my thoughts turned to the puppies again so i went ahead and took chubby and moses to bed.

this morning i woke up and knew i was definately going to be late because i had a court hearing to go to. luckily i was in and out and thankfully God has provided me with a good lawyer.

im taking tonight and sort of just relaxing..ive really been working hard at work the past couple of days..(harder than normal)

Wed, Jan 18th - 11:27AM

I haven't gotten to post anything for a couple of days..but im not complainin' cos its given me time to sit and study and think, ponder and pray about alot of things. Over the past couple of months I have allowed myself to wallow in things that are beyond my control. I have sat and let depression almost take over my life. I've had enough of it all. There is nothing that I  have gone through that I can't over come through Christ Jesus. Nothing that when that day comes when He returns wont be erased from my memory. After the other night and recieving that refreshing in the Spirit, I've determined that nothing will ever bring me to the point of giving up again. I know that through Christ I can do all things. He's taken me from a lifestyle of abuse and heartache and has placed me here in a home where love abounds. He's given me friends, who have become sisters, a loving husband, a good job, a car and has taken care of me all my life. There were times when I never thought I could survive, but yet He's brought me through everything and has made me stronger. He's given me peace and comfort when I thought I'd never feel those things again. And once again, He's working so much in my life that I can't even begin to fathom it all. I just wanted to take this opportunity to give Jesus all the glory for all that He has done for me. Without Him I am nothing. He is sooo amazing!!!!!

Wed, Jan 18th - 11:25AM

I haven't gotten to post anything for a couple of days..but im not complainin' cos its given me time to sit and study and think, ponder and pray about alot of things. Over the past couple of months I have allowed myself to wallow in things that are beyond my control. I have sat and let depression almost take over my life. I've had enough of it all. There is nothing that I  have gone through that I can't over come through Christ Jesus. Nothing that when that day comes when He returns wont be erased from my memory. After the other night and recieving that refreshing in the Spirit, I've determined that nothing will ever bring me to the point of giving up again. I know that through Christ I can do all things. He's taken me from a lifestyle of abuse and heartache and has placed me here in a home where love abounds. He's given me friends, who have become sisters, a loving husband, a good job, a car and has taken care of me all my life. There were times when I never thought I could survive, but yet He's brought me through everything and has made me stronger. He's given me peace and comfort when I thought I'd never feel those things again. And once again, He's working so much in my life that I can't even begin to fathom it all. I just wanted to take this opportunity to give Jesus all the glory for all that He has done for me. Without Him I am nothing. He is sooo amazing!!!!!

Sun, Jan 15th - 10:41PM

Awesome day with God

This morning started off pretty disappointing. I went to storage to look for a USB cable and some of my dishes fell and broke :( sniff...but all in all today turned out to be one of the best days again that i have had for a long time...(not including yesterday)

We missed church this morning, we were up kind of late and over slept..it was partly my fault because i told Trish not to wake me up until Carrie got up and Carrie didn't want to get up because I was still in bed..so we made a promise...when Trish gets me up, I will get up and make sure that Carrie gets up.

Carrie and I went to Walmart and got the usb cord and some other things that I needed. We picked up a friend that we brought out from Ohio. We had kind of not really reached out to her for a while and she's been going through somethings so we made a commitment to her and her husband to start being there as much as possible..We brought her back to the house and spent some time with her here. Then took her back to church for choir practice. We decided that we were going to go to her church tonight to see what it was like. Trish, Stacie and I went to dollar general and i bought a few bottles of liquid potpourri and then came home..we were all looking forward to going to church but because of the puppies have been getting out, someone had to stay home so Carrie of course almost got stuck with it but in the end, Trish stayed home.

It was an AWESOME service...the spirit was just all over the place..the worship service was soooooooo moving..there were a couple of times when i ended up leaning forward on the seats in front of us because the spirit was almost knocking me over!!!! the sermon was a little different, there were several different churches and each pastor from each service got up and spoke for 5 minutes each...tonights sermons were on belonging and becoming part of the body of Christ..having a purpose with  God and committing to the church...Stacie went to the altar and was refilled with the Holy Ghost. Carrie and I walked up hand in hand and committed to the church, joined the choir and became part of the children's ministry. (which is something we have been waiting for).

It was just tooo awesome for words. God is soooooooooo awesome!!!!!

Thu, Jan 12th - 8:41PM

Well today was pretty good. I did get to go to work today. Although my heart just wasnt in it. Ive been having so many problems with my hands that my mind wasn't on work and i feel really bad because i feel that i wasnt as attentive to Richard as i should have been.

the last two nights ive spent more quiet time with God, i guess you could say alot more considering that things have been pretty hectic around here. it did feel good though to pour my heart out to my Heavenly Father and just feel HIm wrapping me in the warmth of his love and grace. i made a commitment that i would spend alot more time with just Him and i'm looking forward to it because i know just how much ive been missing it.

i still havent heard anything about the van. it really doesnt matter though because i know that God is going to  provide the vehicle that He wants me to have just as he will provide the home when the time comes, which im praying will be next month. i do so want to have a home and have everything set up for when Danny comes home in April.

things with dad seem to be going well..he's been keeping me updated on everything. he said that the nursing home that my mom is in is in lockdown mode because of the flu and that he hasnt been able to go and see her. i guess from the way he talked that she has the flu as well as most of the other patients so I'm really praying for that situation.

today though i have been kind of down. when i was at work and running the sweeper, as i was pulling it back toward me i felt my wrist pop twice, once on either side and since then the pain has gotten worse. a little while ago it was so bad that i was beginning to feel nauseated.i had to end up trying to lay down (which was impossible so i laid there and played with the puppies for a little while).

Wed, Jan 11th - 11:48PM

Today was a very different day. I got up this morning and made a couple more phone calls and then got ready for work. Phyllis though was running late so we made sure that it was alright with my supervisor and i had today off so I got in a big ole cleaning mode. i cleaned the office, second living room, back bathroom and back hallway, mopped the kitchen, dusted the living room and cleaned Carrie's daughter's room. i finally got tired around 5 and stopped.

we ordered pizza for dinner and watched a movie. Carrie and i played the sims, she was on the playstation and i was on my laptop. then we both decided to sit down and do some studying. its funny to see all of us sitting around the table with bibles and study books spread open, all at the same time. i wouldnt miss it for the world though.

i still havent heard nothing on the van. dad was supposed to have faxed mom's information and the woman who does all his faxing wasnt in..soooo...it looks like i wont hear anything til tomorrow. im really learning to be patient after the incident with the atm card in Cali and now this. i did tell Carrie though that if i dont get the van that this weekend if it was alright with dwayne that i wanted to go into Garland and check out another buy here pay here. i know that there was like two or three others there near the one i had went through before and prayerfully i wont get another car that breaks down as soon as i get it home.

well this one is going to be pretty short. know that i love all of you and that i pray for everyone who reads this.

Tue, Jan 10th - 7:31PM

Well today was definately a better day. I woke up this morning and made the phone calls i needed to make. i had to call the woman that i work for to pick me up for work because i dont have a vehicle. Im just glad that God has placed me in a job where i have someone who is willing to help with transportation until i get a vehicle.

i worked pretty hard today. i dont guess that the caregiver they had replace me while i was gone did very much cleaning because the last two days has been filled with work. tomorrow we're supposed to finish cleaning out the office and "cat room". i want to help this couple as much as i can. God has really laid it on my heart.

well i still havent heard nothing on the van. danny and i didnt qualify but my dad and mom are trying to co sign. dad didnt give them mom's information so we had to send the application to him again. im really learning to be patient and wait on God the past few weeks.

things have been pretty quiet here at home. im kind of staying to myself because with the pain from my hands i tend to want to lash out and i dont want to do that. it hurts so bad sometimes that it literally makes my stomach churn. i have a dr appointment next week. prayerfully we'll be able to get to the bottom of this.

im not really sure what's planned for tonight except that we have decided to reopen our chatroom on paltalk. its been quite sometime since we've had it open but we have really been waiting on God's lead in this. its how i met Carrie and trish and stacie all three and its our main way of reaching out and helping others and leading them to Christ. ive really missed having the room open.

well that's about all i have to write about for now..love you all and God bless

Mon, Jan 9th - 9:21PM

Today was my first day back at work. it went pretty well..although doing anything with my hands right now is really painful. I went to the emergency room last night because of my hands and found out that my blood sugar is up and its causing "diabetic neuropathy". they put me on an anti-inflamatory med, and sent me home so i figured that i may as well go to work. there isnt any sense in sitting around all day holding my hands and letting the pain keep me bound.

tonight though its really quiet around here. Carrie has been in her room for a while and i know that its because Jolene is leaving. i so want to just try to comfort her but i know that when she is hurting she goes off to herself. it hurts me too to have to say goodbye..ive gotten used to having her around and ive gotten pretty attached. i hate to see her go. i just pray that she is really and truly doing the right thing.

i talked to the salesman from the dealership and  we are going to try to get my dad to co sign for the van. he's already said that he would so its just a matter of getting the fax number. im looking forward to getting a vehicle and being able to do what i was called to do. i dont like and never have liked to depend on other people. for the last several months ive been depending on jolene to take me places. i guess with her leaving its God's way of telling me to get my hindend in gear and get a vehicle...haha

Sun, Jan 8th - 3:42PM

This morning was the first church service we've gone to in a couple of weeks and im soooo glad that we went!! I could just feel the spirit moving every where i turned. the sermon too was just awesome. it felt so good to walk in there and feel the spirit so strong. i had cold chills from the time i walked in.

things kind of went downhill for me after service. i dont really know what brought my spirits down, but it hasnt gotten any better. some of it is because for the past two to three days my hands have really been throbbing. i have arthritis in both of them, but it usually doesnt flare up. i couldnt sleep last night and ended up coming out of the bedroom and sitting in the office and praying and waiting for the pain to end. i almost didnt want to get up this morning but i really longed to be in church so i fought the urge to just lay there.

i think tonight we have a womens' ministry meeting but im not positive..if not i think we are planning on watching a movie that carrie had bought called The Gospel. its supposed to be a really good movie and im looking forward to seeing it..of course i like to watch anything with a Christian theme

i called and checked on my dad last night and recieved the best news i could hear. he's stopped drinking and has gone to church regularly the past two weeks..he said that what got his attention was the talk i had with him two days before Christmas. im so thankful that he seems to be getting back where he needs to be. i just pray that God really touches his heart and opens his eyes and allows him to return to the daddy that ive always known.

i finally recieved an email from my husband and he seems to be doing well...i'll know for sure though when he calls, which is supposed to be in a couple of weeks. i sure do miss hearing his voice though.

Fri, Jan 6th - 6:43PM